Family's joy, family's sorrow
by ultimatelaurafan
Summary: A story mainly about Rose Wilder Lane.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story is based on my great great grandfather, Fred John Lay. Many of the incidents in this story actually happened to him and I just used my imagination on how the story would come together! Most of the characters are mine. As an example are the names of Fred's parents. Their names were never made known to us and I did research and still couldn't find a thing, so I picked out their names...Hope y'all enjoy it! :)**

John Lay was hard at work plowing the fields on one very hot June morning. Sweat was pouring off his face, and his golden blond hair was soaked with it. He was too stubborn to stop working right now, though. He knew he had to finish plowing the fields, and get crops planted and harvested before winter came. The sweat on his back and his toned chest soaked his brown working shirt. He stopped his strong work horses for a moment just to wipe his brow. As he did, he suddenly felt something. A deep, sharp-shooting pain in his chest. He ignored it and went back to work, but soon the pain became unbearable and he began to feel dizzy. His vision was affected as well. He thought there were four horses instead of two, and he thought the plow kept moving. With his left hand, he clutched his chest and he dropped to his knees on the brown earth. His other hand was rested on the plow. John felt himself losing conciousness, and he fell forward onto the ground...

Annette Lay, John's young, 20 year old wife, was going about the house doing some work of her own. She had just put her two oldest children, Leonard and Barbara, who were both under the tender age of three, down for their naps. Annette went into a bedroom to check on her youngest child, Fred. He was a few months short of a year old. She saw baby Fred laying in his craddle, all smiley and playing with his little feet. Annette gently picked up her son and placed him on one hip. She pressed her lips against his silky-smooth, white face and breathed in his baby scent. She never got tired of it, ever since he was born some months back, she always enjoyed waking up in the morning and being so close to her baby. Annette loved each of her babies equally, deeply, but Fred, for some reason was special to her. He was the only one of her babies that looked more like John from day one. Which is why she named him Fred John. John after his father and Fred was for his great grandfather (Her grandfather). She smiled as he flapped his little hands and wiggled around in her grasp. He suddenly began to look over her shoulder and out the window.

Annette laughed quietly and she smiled at her young son. "What do you see Fred John? Is it your strong Pa out in the field?" She knew her husband was outside working, but to turn around and see her husband slumped over on the ground scared her. "Oh my word!...John!" She gasped and as gently as she could, she set baby Fred back into his cradle and ran outside. She was so alarmed to see her strong, 27 year old husband collasped on the ground with the horses unattended to. "JOHN!" She screamed, running out to the fields. "My John!..." She said as she dropped to her knees and cradled her husband in her arms. She began to weep as she was trying to get him to respond. "John!" He wasn't, of course.

_"I've got to get him in the house and out of this heat!" _Annette quickly thought. She hooked her arms under him and tried her best to drag him back to the house, leaving the strong chestnut-colored stallions standing there. With John being a man, he was slightly heavier than she, and it was hard for her to lift him. Hearing all the commotion, Jimmy, the farm-hand, came out of the barn. "Jimmy!...Run and get the doc! Quick!" Annette screamed. "Yes ma'am." Yelled the auburn-haired, sixteen year old boy. He ran to the barn, grabbed one of the horses and he took off, galloping the 20 miles down the road. After what seemed like hours, though it only was a matter of minutes, Annette managed to drag her unconsious husband into the house and into their bedroom. She got him onto the bed, and picked up his legs and feet so that he was lying down. Annette went and got a cool cloth for John's forehead to try and bring his temperature down after him being in the hot sun. She stayed with him until the door flew open and in rushed Jimmy with the town's doctor. The doctor immediately went over to the bed and thoroughly examined John. He then walked over to the window and stood there silently till Annette spoke up.

"What is it, Dr. Baumann?...A heat stroke?" Annette just stood there. Afraid of what his answer would be.

The red-headed young man spoke. His voice was very rough. "That...and I believe he's suffered a heart attack..."

Annette swallowed the lump forming in her throat and tears ran down her cheeks. "A heart attack?...He...He's too young! Why, he's only 27!...A man that young!...He couldn't have! It isn't possible!"

"It's very possible, Mrs. Lay." Dr. Hanz Baumann said solemnly. "I'm sorry...but his heart is failing him...and there's nothing I can do...He's dying." With a twinge of anger in him, Dr. Baumann walked out of the room. Annette turned her head and watched him leave. She then heard her husband stirring and quickly went to him and sat down on the bed beside him.

"John..." Annette managed to say as tears streamed down her cheeks. John, though he was very weak, lifted his hand up to her face and stroked her cheek.

"Shhhhh...Shhhh...Don't cry..." John said while wiping the tears that were falling down her cheeks.

Annette lifted her hands to John's hand which was still placed on her cheek. Her smooth hands gently rubbed his arm and his hand and all the while, tears were still seeping out of her eyes. "John...You're...You're dying!" Annette said as tears started to fall more rapidly.

"I know...Everyone dies sooner or later...It's just my time to go, Nettie."

"I don't know if I can let go of you just yet!" She leaned over, with her head on his chest and she was still weeping. He wrapped his arms around her tenderly.

"Didn't I tell you not to cry?" He whispered.

"I...I can't help it!...I don't know what I'll do without you!...I love you, John!"

"And I love you,...my sweet Annette."

"But what about the children, John?...I can't let them grow up without their father." She said, eyes closed but tears still streaming. Annette straightened herself up, but she was holding John's hands in her's.

"They won't...I'm still their father...They'll have me in here...No matter what." He said, gently placing a closed hand on his chest. John layed his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes. Annette leaned down and kissed his cheek, but she wasn't sure if John had felt it.

Annette lifted her face upward, tears streaming down her cheeks. "...to be absent from the body...and to be present with the Lord..." She whispered.

**A/N: I have written this story over a process of a few years, so things are not always accurate and there are things that I have learned. I feel like in the beginning, my writing is sappy...and I see how much I have changed.**

**At the time I wrote this chapter, I did not know what my great great great Lay grandparents were. But now, thanks to a certain ancestry website, I found out that their names were Leonard and Karoline. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

"Gillette...Gillette?...Are you awake?" Rose whispered into the night. They were upstairs in the extra bedroom her parents made up for them.

"Gillette, honey?" She whispered, touching his arm. "Claire Gillette Lane!" She said, this time a little louder.

"What...sweetheart?" He asked, whispering. He was still half-asleep.

"Are you happy?...About the baby, I mean." She asked, turning her head to meet his. She could see his blond hair glistening in the moonlight.

"Rose?...Why would you ask such a thing as that?" He asked turning over on his side, facing her. "Of course I'm happy." He smiled at her, taking her hands in his.

"It's just...we've only been married ten months...and I...I just don't know if we're ready to be parents just yet..."

"Well,... you're already pregnant,...so we must be..." He said smiling and laying his hand on her thin belly. "I'm so happy about the baby. Overjoyed even!...I can't believe we're going to be parents!"

"I love you, Gillette." She said, smiling at him.

"And I love you,...my beautiful Rose...Goodnight." He said, giving her a sweet kiss on the lips, and she kissed back. Then he turned over on his back, she layed her head on his chest, and they fell asleep.

The next week, Laura and Almanzo put Rose and Gillette on a stagecoach travelling to the train-station, for there still wasn't a railroad in Walnut Grove. Everyone said goodbye to them personally.

"See you four months from now, sweetheart." Laura said, hugging her daughter goodbye.

"Thank you, Mama...I won't have to worry as much about my first pregnancy,...cause you'll be with me." She smiled. "I'll miss you all." She said, looking at everyone there.

"And if you need anything, you can always telegraph us." Almanzo said.

"Yes Papa,...of course I will."

"Soon as you get back here,... I'd come in for a checkup, young lady." Albert said to his neice.

"Yes Uncle Albert." She says, smiling and hugging his neck.

"You'll be contacting a doctor in San Fransisco, correct?" He asked.

"Of course." She said, releasing him from their hug. "Just in case."

Gillette helped his wife into the stagecoach, and got in after her. As the stage drove away, they waved to Rose's family, and they waved back.

"Goodbye,...I love you!" Rose called to her parents.

"We love too, sweetheart!" They called back. "Take good care of her, Gillette!"

"I will!" He called back. "See you in four months!"

The stage was rolling away from Walnut Grove, till it was no longer in sight.

"You ready to go home, _Mrs. Lane_? Gillette asked his wife.

"Yes...are you _Mr. Lane_?" She asked, smiling and laying her head in the crook of his neck.

"Yes." He says and kisses her. "You ready in there, _Baby Lane?"_ Gillette asked, laying his hand on his wife's still flat belly.

"Gillette, you're so silly...but I love you." She laughs and then with her hand caressing his cheek, she kisses him and he kisses back.


	3. Chapter 3

"Are you all right, sweetheart? You look tired." Gillette said on the train-ride home to California.

"I am tired...but Uncle Albert says that's normal in a pregnancy. I'll be fine,...I just need a little nap." Rose said, laying her head on Gillette's shoulder. She puts her arms around his waist.

"Why don't you go in one of the sleeping cars, I'm sure you'll be much more comfortable there." He said, kissing her forehead.

"No, I'll be fine here...Plus I like cuddling with you." Rose said smiling up at him. "It's hard sometimes...believing I'm pregnant, I mean."

"I don't think it is,...I mean we..." He started to say.

"Gillette!" She says putting her hand over his mouth. "Don't even say what I think you're going to say... There are children present!...Oh my word!..." Her hand immediately went to her mouth.

"You ok?" Gillette asked, concerned.

"Excuse me!" Rose gets up and heads to the nearest water-closet on the train. When there, she immediately lost the beef stew and biscuits she and Gillette had in the restauraunt that afternoon. She then cleaned herself up and returned to Gillette.

"Rose, are you all right?...I was worried about you." He said putting his arm around her.

"I'm still feeling a bit sick is all. I'll be fine." She said, putting her head on his chest. She soon fell asleep, leaving Gillette to enjoy the view out his window.

"Rose...Rose wake up...Rose!" He shakes her gently.

"What...Huh?...What happened!" Rose said as she began to wake up.

"Don't you think we should get a sleeping car for tonight?" Gillette asked, rubbing her back.

"What time is it?" Rose asked, blinking the sleep from her brown eyes.

"Almost 9:00 o'clock."

"Oh I'm so sorry, honey. I slept through suppertime." Rose apoligized.

"It's all right. How about you go rent us a sleeping car and I'll get us some supper." He said, handing her some money.

"All right." She said, kissing him. "I'll miss you." She smiles.

"I'll miss you too."

Rose went and rented the sleeping car, and later Gillette returned with a tray of sandwiches and milk.

"This looks wonderful." Rose said.

"Yes it does...and so do you, my Rose." He replied, kissing her lips.

Rose and Gillette ate their supper together, and then went to bed in their sleeping car.

"Gillette? Gillette are you starting to pack for our trip next month!" Rose hollered from the next room. "Gillette!"

"I'm in here, honey!" He answered. He was writing an article for their local newspaper.

"Gillette, honey. We need to start packing for next month!" She said, coming into the room he was in.

"Yes sweetheart, just let me finish this article." He says, giving her a quick kiss on the lips.

Rose left and went to their room,...Rose was talking to herself when Gillette entered their room.

"Oh that stagecoach is going to be bumpy,...I'd better pack some pillows for my back...I hope Dr. Abney is right for saying I can travel..."

"Rose...Rose...Rose!" He said holding her shoulders. "Stop worrying! I'm sure the baby and you will be fine!..."

"I'm just worried Gillette!"

"Didn't I tell you not to worry?" He asked, smiling. "In your third month, you were worried about the baby's health...Your fourth, you were worried about how you look to people on the street...Stop worrying! You'll be fine on train and the stagecoach...Plus you'll have me there." He smiled at her.

"I'm just nervous is all." She said laying her head on his shoulder, with him wrapping his arms around her.

"You'll be fine." He said giving her a kiss on the top of her head.

"I hope you're right." She said looking at him. He smiles back at her.

"Oh my!" She says, taking a deep breath.

"What?"

"Here,...feel." She says, bringing his hands to her small, five month pregnant belly. "It's called quickening...you can feel the baby moving a little."

Gillette smiles, and gives his wife a kiss on the lips. The thought of being a father-to-be thrilled him. "You know, we have to start thinking of names for the baby."

"Yes I know." She smiles. "Excuse me!" She runs off to the water-closet.

"Rose!...I thought all this morning sickness was over with?" He hollers after her.

"It is Gillette...I just really, really, really need to go right now!" She says, sticking her head in the doorway.

"Gillette...Gillette are you asleep?" Rose asked. They were in the upstairs bedroom in the home of her parents.

"No...not any more." He mumbled. "What is it, Rose?"

"I can't sleep...I'm exhausted but I can't sleep!" Said Rose, her belly making a large mound under the covers. "And I think I having heartburn again!" She was seven months along and not feeling too comfortable right now.

"Well at least the strange dreams you were having last month are over." Gillette said.

"I know!...I dreamt that two scones, a package of pan-pack, a rosecake, and a huge bag of Saratoga chips were chasing me!...Now that I think back on it, I think it's absolutely hilarious!...But that night I broke out in a cold sweat...and you laughed at me!"

"I'm sorry honey, but you have to admit it was pretty funny." He said laughing.

"It was pretty funny, wasn't it." She says and the two burst out in laughter.

"Have you thought of any names for the baby, yet?" Gillette asked.

"One...if it's a boy I want to name it Eben." Rose said. "Eben Lane. I think it sounds wonderful."

"Eben! Like Ebenezer?"

"Just Eben." Rose assured him. "Would you like to pick the middle name?"

"Edson...after my brother."

"Eben Edson Lane!...Sorry sweetheart, pick another one,...please!"

"How about my middle name then?"

"Eben Gillette Lane." Rose said the name out loud. "That's more like it." She smiles..."What about a girl's name?"

"Well you can pick the first name again and I'll pick the middle name."

"Savannah...I like the name Savannah." Rose said.

"Savannah Rose Lane." Gillette said, and smiled. He saw a smile on Rose's face as well.

"That's beautiful Gillette." She says, turning on her side a bit, trying to cuddle with him.

"Gillette, all that talking about food is making me hungry,...Gillette?" She looks over at her husband, who is already fast asleep. Rose laughs, and turns over and tries to fall back asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

"Mama, can I please do something to help you?" Rose asked, sitting at the kitchen table, nine months pregnant and tired of doing nothing and being cooped up in house all day.

"Rose, I told you to take it easy...I don't want you to do to much."

"But I am taking it easy!" Rose exclaimed. "Can't I go for a walk with Grandma or something?"

"That sounds like a nice idea." Said Caroline, who was visiting her children in Walnut Grove for a week.

"She really needs to get out for a while...Plus I think the fresh air will do her some good." Gillette said, putting his hands on his wife's shoulders.

"I'm a burden to you Gillette,...aren't I?" She asked with tears in her eyes, her pregnancy hormones raging. "I'm a burden to this whole family!...I'm just a fat, ugly, pig,...who can't even see her toes anymore!" She says crying, running up to the room and locking the door.

"Sweetheart!...Rose, honey...I didn't mean it that way!...C'mon honey...unlock the door!" Gillette said, banging on the wooden door, and hearing Rose sobbing on the other side. The door opens and Gillette immediately embraces her, leaving Rose sobbing uncontrolablely onto his shoulder. "It's all right honey...I'm here." He says, rubbing her back. "And I love you..." He says holding her and looking into her brown eyes. "You're not fat...you're just pregnant, you're not ugly,...you're beautiful! You always will be to me, Rose!"

"You left out the last two." Rose said with a straight face.

Gillette laughed.

"Gillette...it's not funny! I felt like a pig because I was eating everything in sight, and I can't see my toes anymore! I can't even bend down to reach them!"

"Well you're not a pig." He says, smiling and kissing her forehead. "C'mon, lets go downstairs."

Just as they turned to walk out the bedroom door and down the stairs, Rose seemed to double over in pain.

"Honey what's wrong!...Rose what is it!"

"Its...the...the baby...Gillette." Rose said, taking as deep of breaths as she could and sliding down the wall onto the floor.

"MAMA BETH!...MAMA BETH!" Gillette yelled as loud as he could.

"What on earth?...What is it Gillette!" She says, after hearing her son-in-law scream like he did. She stood in the doorway.

"Mama Beth, we need your brother...now!" He says, trying his best to calm Rose down. Laura immediately runs down the steps and out the door to get Albert.

"Gillette...I...I'm scared!" Rose says, gripping his hand.

"Everything's going to be all right." He says, smoothing her hair. "C'mon let's get you to the bed." He lifted her up, guided her to the bed, got her to lay down, and kept her calm until her uncle got there. Her mother and grandmother were there to assist him. "I have to go downstairs now..." He says, kissing her. "You'll be fine...Our baby will be here before you know it, Rose." He smiles.

"I love you, Gillette." Rose says, giving him one last quick kiss.

"I love you." Gillete said, and went downstairs. Almanzo was already down there, sitting at the kitchen table. They were silent for hours. All Gillette could hear was Rose screaming and crying out in pain. Once, he thought he heard her yell his name, wanting him,...needing him. But he didn't think he was allowed go up there...Gillette was worried for his wife, because it was sounding to him like a very hard labor. Almanzo could see the worry in his eyes.

"She'll be fine, son." Almanzo said, laying a hand on his son-in-law's shoulder.

"Right." He said, his voice filled with worry.

"If she's anything like her Ma, which she is, she be just fine." Almanzo told him.

There were a few more hours of silence till they heard something...a baby crying.

Moments later, Laura came downstairs with a small white bundle and came over to Gillette.

"Here proud Papa,..." She smiled at her son-in-law, giving him the baby. "Meet, Eben Gillette Lane."

"A boy!" Gillette smiles down at his newborn son. "Oh, he's beautiful! Just beautiful...How's Rose?" He asked, concerned.

"She's just fine...Exhausted...but fine." Laura smiles. "You can go up and see her now."

Almanzo and Gillette followed Laura upstairs. Gillette goes straight to Rose's side. Her brown hair was out of its bun, and it was casscading down her back. Gillette thought she was beautiful, seeing her that very moment..."Our son is beautiful, Rose...our son."...She smiles at him. "I love you, Gillette."

"I love you, Rose." He says, kissing her and laying their baby in her arms.

"Did I give you such a hard time, like Eben gave me, Mama?" Rose looked down smiling at her son, his tiny fingers lacing onto Rose's finger.

"Actually Rose, I think Eben gave you the harder time." She says..."But you were very strong, sweetheart,...and I'm proud of you." She brushed back a few tendrils of brown hair that were in Rose's face.

Rose smiles. "Would you like to hold your grandson, Papa?"

"Yes, of course." Rose hands her son to her father, who smiles with great pride. Since Laura had already held her grandson a while, Almanzo gave the baby to Caroline. She held her great grandson in her arms for a while, and gave the baby to his father.

"Now you, young lady...get a little sleep...doctor's orders." Albert said, smiling at his niece.

"That's sounds wonderful right now, Uncle Albert." She smiles. "You'll take care of Eben a while, won't you Mama?"

"Don't worry, Rose...I think Gillette has it taken care of already!" They smiled and looked over at Gillette, sitting in a rocking chair, craddling his newborn son in his arms. Smiling and talking softly to him.

"What!" He said, smiling. "I have to take care of my fatherly duties!" Rose smiled at her husband.

Everyone laughed...and Rose layed her head on the pillow and finally went to sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Gillette turned over in sleep, placing his hand where he thought his wife would be. "Rose?" He whispered.

"I'm over here, sweetheart." He heard her whisper. He looked around the room till he spotted her crouching form by the little cradle in the moonlight.

Rose suddenly felt her husband's arms around her. "Isn't he just beautiful, Gillette?" She said, stroking her little baby's back with gentlest touch.

"He is beautiful...like you" He said, kissing her neck. "Don't you think you should get some sleep?"

"No...I want to stay up a while yet."..."It's his first night in the world...I want to make sure he's ok."

"Rose...he's fine." Gillette smiles. "Come on back to bed...Please?"

"No I'm fine right here." She says, sitting down in the rocking chair next to the cradle. "I just can't believe he's ours." She whispers.

"Me either." Says Gillette..."Would you like me to stay up with you?" He asked, rubbing her back in small, circular motions.

"No,...you go on back to sleep." She smiles at him.

"Goodnight, sweetheart." He leans down and kisses his wife. Then he gets down on the floor by the cradle. "Goodnight, little guy." He says, brushing his hand over the back of his baby son's little head. Gillette gets back into bed and goes to sleep.

Rose finds herself whispering to herself. "Will I be a good mother to you?...Do I know enough?...Can I take care of you when you're sick?...Mama loves you, Eben. Very much...She hopes you know that. She wants what's best for you, sweetheart..."

"Rose?...Is everything ok?..." She hears someone whisper. Rose looks up and sees her mother's form standing in front of her. Laura kneels down and places her hands in her daughter's lap. "What's wrong, sweetie?" She asked. Rose looked at her mother with tears in her eyes, and finally her emotions overwhelm her and she falls into her mother's arms, almost sobbing. Like a young child needing comforting after a nightmare.

"I'm scared...scared I won't know how to care for him correctly,...or know what's right or wrong for him...scared he won't love me...scared I'll be be a horrible mother!...I'm terrified, Mama!" She cries.

"Rose...It's ok...Shh..It's all right." Laura says, stroking her daughter's back. "You're just going through what I think all new mothers go through...And don't worry, you'll be a wonderful mother!"

"How do you know that?" Rose asks, tears running down her cheeks and falling down onto her white nightgown.

"Because you're already a wonderful daughter." Laura says, and hugs her daughter. "I love you, baby girl."

"I love you too, Mama." She says, burying her face in her mother's shoulder.

"Now, why don't you get back into bed with your husband." Laura says, brushing the hair away from her daughter's face.

"But Eben..." Rose started to say.

"Don't worry, your baby will be fine till morning...when he wakes up wanting something to eat." She laughs.

Rose smiles. "Goodnight Mama." She gives her little baby a kiss on the cheek, and her hand brushes over his back. "Goodnight, my sweet baby boy." She whispers. She gets back into her bed, as does her mother, and falls asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Rose awoke that morning to the sound of her baby crying. She got out of bed and went to his cradle.

"Good morning, sweetheart..." She says carefully picking him up and rocking him gently. "Did you have a good sleep?...Huh?...Yeah." She said in a soothing tone of voice.

"Yes, I slept very well, thank you." Gillette says kissing Rose on the cheek. He smiles.

Rose laughs. "Gillette, I was talking to the baby..." She says, giving her husband a kiss.

"Looks like little Eben slept well." He says, stroking the baby's dark hair. He leaned down and kissed his baby son on the forehead. The baby cries.

"What did I do!...I didn't hurt him, did I?"

"Gillette, calm down!" Rose laughs, touching his cheek. "He's just hungry!...I guess Grandma was right last night."

"Grandma?..." Gillette asked.

"Yes...Mama came in our room while I was still up and we talked awhile...It really helped."

"Well that's good." Gillette said. He kisses her forehead. "You go feed the baby." He said, and walks out their bedroom door and downstairs. Rose locks the door so no one would disturb her, and sits down in the rocking chair to nurse baby Eben. When finished, she came downstairs to the kitchen.

"Good morning everyone!" Rose said.

"Good morning, Rose." said Almanzo, kissing her cheek. "Can I hold my grandson?"

"Of course, Papa." She says, gently guiding the baby into his arms.

"Grandma?...Can we go for that walk now?" Rose asked Caroline, smiling.

"Sure Rose." Caroline says. They walk out the front door.

"So how has motherhood been treating my beautiful granddaughter?" Caroline asked, walking down a gravel road with Rose, her arm around her.

Rose laughs. "Grandma, it was only my first day yesterday!...but it's been wonderful. I was a little scared last night though...but Mama came in and talked with me awhile...I felt much better after that."

"Would you like to tell me what you were so scared about?"

"Well,...I...just afraid about motherhood in general I guess...if I could take care of him...if he would love me...if I'd be a good mother...but Mama looked at me and told me she knew that I'll be a wonderful mother...I asked how she knew that...and she told me...because I'm already a wonderful daughter..."

"And you're a wonderful granddaughter, too!" Caroline gives her granddaughter a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks Grandma...When Mama said it...she looked at me like...like she loved me no matter what I did or said,...even if it hurt her...like..."

"Like unconditional love?" Caroline suggested.

"Exactly...I just hope I can love Eben like that..."

"Don't worry Rose, you will." She hugs her. " I just know you will..."

"Grandma? Who do you think Eben is starting to look like? My side or Gillette's?"

"It a bit hard to tell right now...maybe your side...but I can see a bit of Gillette in him too...C'mon lets get back inside and see what your little one is up to."

Rose laughed. "Probably being spoiled already by his Grandpa and Grandma."

"Probably!...And he'll probably be spoiled even more by his Great-Grandma!" Caroline laughed.


	7. Chapter 7

Rose woke up one morning, and turned over, but Gillette wasn't there.

"_He's probably downstairs already..." _She thought. Rose covers her mouth to yawn. "I guess Papa wants you and me to sleep in a bit, huh Eben?" She says, hearing him sleeping in his cradle. She smiles and turns back over and falls back asleep. An hour later, she feels a kiss on her lips, and she opens her eyes. "Mornin' sleepy-head." Her husband smiles down at her, and gives her another kiss.

"Good morning, sweetheart." Rose smiles up at him.

"I'm gonna head downstairs and see how your mother is handling breakfast."

"_Right..._" Rose thought to herself..."_You'll probably just see if you can sneak a few pieces of bacon before its cooked all the way through..."_..."All right, I'll wake the baby." She said, and smiles.

Gillette hangs by his son's cradle for a second. "Guess he's a bigger sleepy-head than you are." He laughs. "Still out like a light." He headed downstairs. Rose layed her head back on the pillow for a few seconds, her eyes closed. She exhales deeply, gets up, puts on her husband's dark green robe, and goes to her baby's cradle.

"Morning sweetheart...Looks likes we get to celebrate...you're a week old today, Eben Gillette." She smiles, reaching in to pick up her baby. When touching him, she notices he doesn't respond and is cold to the touch. Icy cold...Rose panics.

"Gillette!...Gillette!" She screams, backing up into a corner. "Gillette!" Rose suddenly sees her husband and parents in the doorway. Rose can't seem to say anything, tears flooding her eyes, they see her eyeing the cradle. Her parents go to her and Gillette approaches the baby's cradle...Rose slumps to the floor and suddenly hears from her husband's lips,...three horrible words,..."The baby's dead." ..."Dead?...No!...No he can't be!...He can't be!...Not my baby...My baby!" She screams, trying to reach the baby and Gillette, but her parents hold her back..."My baby!...MY BABY!" She still screams...fighting them to release her, sobbing,...clawing the floor...Finally, she gives up and falls into her mothers arms, hard sobs still racking her body,...she curls herself up into a little ball, like a small child would...Soon, she passes out from exhaustion and sobbing...Her parents lift her up into the bed. Gillette was still sitting on the floor, holding the baby. On his face was a look of shock, with tears starting to flood his green eyes.

Tears well up in Laura's eyes as well, not only from Gillette's and Rose's pain and loss, but her remembering this kind of situation all too well. For she also woke up one morning to find her baby son, who they never named, dead in his little cradle...It was like history repeated itself...

"You gonna be all right, Beth?" Almanzo asked, concerned for his wife.

"I'll be fine, Manly." She says, breathing deeply, tears staining her cheeks. "Go get Albert, please."

Almanzo soon returned with Albert. He checked over Rose and told Laura to stay with her till she came to...Albert took care of the baby's little corpse and talked to Almanzo, Laura, and Gillette about the beginning of funeral arrangements...Gillette...though of course...still in grief from the baby's sudden death...insisted that the baby would be buried here. He knew Rose would agree with him. "Eben Gillette Lane was born here, and sadly, he died here in Walnut Grove,...so that is where he should be buried..." He said.


	8. Chapter 8

That Sunday after the service, the congregation attended the funeral of baby Eben Gillette Lane. The rest of Laura and Almanzo's families were notified of the baby's death, but were unable to make it to the funeral. The new Reverend, the Rev. Cole Sheinfeld was conducting the service. He was twenty-four years old and had taken over the Walnut Grove Church when Rev. Alden passed on. He opened the service by reading the twenty-third Psalm. Tears streamed down the faces of Almanzo, Laura, Caroline, Gillette, and of course Rose. She couldn't bear herself to look at her baby's small, pine coffin. Rose buried her face in her husband's chest, and tried her best not to make a scene. Others in attendance were of course Albert, his wife Michelle and their three children, Willie Oleson and his wife Rachel, and their nineteen-year-old son named Jack. The Reverend began to read...

"_The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want._

_He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters._

_He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake._

_Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me._

_Thou preparest a table before me in the presense of mine ememies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over._

_Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."_

The Reverend went on to say that he knew that as a congregation and town, the people would comfort those in grief and going through dark times in their lives.

"The same can be for our Heavenly Father, " The Reverend Sheinfeld began. "A verse in the Good Book says, _Casting all your care upon him for he careth for you..._Take it to Him in prayer, for that is how we speak to Him...Some may never take their burden to the Lord...and some do...By that we are reminded by the well known hymn _"What a Friend We Have In Jesus." _Join me as we sing the first three verses...

The congregation lifted up their voices in song. Even Rose, though it was quite hard for her. Her beautiful soprano singing voice came out choked with tears and sorrow, but she still tried to sing...

_"What a friend we have in Jesus, _

_All our sins and griefs to bear!_

_What a privelege to carry_

_Everything to God in prayer!_

_Oh, what peace we often forfeit,_

_Oh, what needless pain we bear,_

_All because we do not carry_

_Everything to God in prayer!_

_Have we trials and temptations?_

_Is there trouble anywhere?_

_We should never be discouraged-_

_Take it to the Lord in prayer. _

_Can we find a friend so faithful,_

_Who will all our sorrows share?_

_Jesus knows our every weakness;_

_Take it to the Lord in prayer._

_Are we weak and heavy-laden,_

_Cumbered with a load of care?_

_Precious Saviour, still our refuge-_

_Take it to the Lord in prayer._

_Do thy friends dispise, forsake thee?_

_Take it to the Lord in prayer!_

_In his arms He'll take and shield thee,_

_Thou wilt find a solace there._

When they had put the little coffin in the ground, the Reverend ended the funeral with Revelation 21:4.

"_And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away."_

While the family thanked the Reverend for doing the service, the rest of the congregation went their way.

"Those were some very comforting scriptures and the hymn especially, Reverend." Gillette said, shaking the Reverend's hand, his other hand was around Rose's waist.

"You're welcome Bro. Lane, and may I give my condolances to you and Mrs. Lane."

"Thank you, Reverend Sheinfeld." Rose said, tears still staining her cheeks.

The Wilder's and the Lane's went back to Laura and Almanzo's place and Caroline went back to visiting with Albert's family. Rose went immediately up to her and Gillette's room.


	9. Chapter 9

Gillette and Almanzo were sitting at the kitchen table. Everyone was silent and solemn.

"Here's your supper, Manly,...Gillette." Laura said placing their plates in front of them. She sat down in a chair next to her husband.

"Gillette." Laura said to her son-in-law, and he looked up at her. "I've made a little soup for Rose. Could you take it up to her, please?"

"Sure Mama Beth." He says and takes the bowl of soup upstairs. While he's in the hallway, he can hear Rose weeping, chanting over and over, 'not my baby,...why my baby', the door is open so he walks in and sits down in the chair by the bed. "Sweetheart..." He whispers, rubbing her arm. " I brought some soup up for you...Mama Beth made it...tomato soup...your favorite..."

"I'm not hungry Gillette...I don't want anything..." Rose whispered, her eyes closed.

"C'mon honey, you have to eat something..."

"I don't want it." She says turning over on her side. "I'm not hungry."

"Just try a little, please."

"GILLETTE, I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT IT!" She yells, sobbing, and throws the bowl of soup at the wall. The bowl breaks and Gillette picks up the fragments of the broken bowl and exits the room. He enters the kitchen and sits back down at the table.

"Sorry, Mama Beth...Rose broke your bowl. She threw it against the wall..."

"Here, I'll take care of it..." She says, taking the bowl and disposing of it.

"How is she, Gillette?" Almanzo asks.

"Same...The same weeping...same chanting..." He says, running his hands through his blonde locks. "I'm really worried about her...All she does is cry...She told me to sleep downstairs tonight...She said she wanted to be alone..."

"You can sleep on the couch then." Laura said. "She'll be ok, Gillette." She says, laying her hand on his shoulder. "Just give her some time."

Gillette tried to smile a little. He bowed his head and ate what he had left of his supper. He went back upstairs to get a pillow and blanket. He saw Rose's sleeping form in the moonlight, so he thought. She was actually still awake. "Goodnight sweetheart." He whispers, and walks out the bedroom door.

The next few days Gillette tries to get Rose to eat something, but that turned out to be to no avail.

"She still won't eat anything...not for me anyway." Gillette said.

"Here...give me the plate..." Laura says. "I'll see if I can get her to eat..."

"She doesn't even cry anymore...She just lays there...staring into space." Gillette says, tears coming to his eyes.

Laura walks into Rose's room. "Good afternoon, sweetheart...How are you feeling?" She asks, but Rose doesn't answer her.

"C'mon lets get you up and see if you can eat a little something." Laura lifts her daughter upright against the pillows. "I tried something new, homemade baked beans and ground beef...Don't worry it's good." Laura says, bringing the forkful of food to Rose's lips.

"I don't want anything, Mama." Rose says, turning her head.

"Rose, you haven't eaten anything in days...try just a bit of it...please."

"Maybe later." Rose said, staring at the wall, and she is silent for awhile.

"...Why my baby?...Why would God give me a sweet little boy and then suddenly take him away!" She says, closing her eyes, as tears were running down her cheeks.

"Rose, sweetheart...I know what you're going through..." She says, rubbing her arm. Tears were forming in Laura's eyes. She hugs her daughter.

"No!" Rose says pushing her mother away. "NO!...NO!...Don't say you know how I feel when you don't!...All of the women at church were coming up to me, hugging me, saying 'oh we're so sorry Rose, we know how you feel!'...AND THEY DON'T!...THEY DON'T!" She yells through her crying. "They have never experienced the pain of losing a baby!...And how would you even know, Mama,...when I'm the only child you've ever had!

Laura looked at her daughter in disbelief, the words she had just heard felt like icy knives going straight through her heart..."But Rose,...I" Laura started to say.

"No Mama...I'd rather not hear it!...JUST...JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" Rose yells and falls back onto the bed, sobbing into the pillow.

Laura ran out the bedroom door and down the stairs, hot tears stung her cheeks, and more welled up in her eyes, preventing her to see. Almanzo caught her in the kitchen, but she couldn't speak, all she could do was sob onto his chest.

"Its all right, Beth...Its all right." Almanzo said, trying to comfort her. "What happened?"

"Oh Manly!...It's Rose...she...she!" Laura tried to say, but all she was doing was sobbing.

"She what!...What did she do?"

"...I...I told her that I knew what she's going through,...and she of course told me that I didn't...because she doesn't know about her brother...I was going to tell her...and I know I need to...but I...I don't know if I can bring myself to tell her, Manly!...It just hurts to much!" She sobbed.

Almanzo tried to think of something to say. But was there anything he could say?...All he figured he could do right then was try to comfort his wife. So he did. He brought her into his strong arms and held her till she calmed down.


	10. Chapter 10

A month later...

Rose had finally gotten up out of bed, put her hair up in a bun, gotten dressed into a yellow blouse, brown skirt, and brown shoes, and came downstairs.

"Good morning sweetheart!...It's good to see you up!" Laura came to hug her daughter. "How are you feeling this morning?" Rose escaped from her mother's embrace. "I've been better." She said, harshly.

"I love you, sweetheart...I'm glad you're up and about..." Gillette said, kissing his wife's forehead.

"I'm going for a walk." Rose says, slamming the door.

"She's still grieving...isn't she..." Gillette stated.

Laura nodded. Trying to fight back her tears...She of all people espescially was worried about Rose.

"Grieving effects people in different ways, Gil." Almanzo said, pausing for a few seconds. "Some do nothing but cry, some think people are lying to them, some grieve by getting angry and bitter...at God...at the folks they love the most...Some people isolate themselves from people by not talking to anyone at all...Some even get so depressed and down...they try to kill themselves."

"Manly...please don't even talk like that!" Laura said, choking back tears, and slamming the one of the dishes she was washing into the sink.

"I'm sorry, Beth." Almanzo said.

"I know...," Laura said, taking a deep breath..."I just don't want to think that Rose would do something like that to herself..."

"She won't." Almanzo said.

Laura looked at her husband with a look of doubt.

"She wouldn't do something that foolish...because as I've said before, she's a very strong woman...just like her Ma." Almanzo wrapped his strong arms around Laura, brushed back a few tendrils of reddish-brown hair that were in her face, and kissed her.

"I love you, Manly." Laura said, burying her face into his chest.

Rose walked into her uncle's doctor's office..."Uncle Albert?" She called. There was no answer.

"_Good...no one's here."_ Rose thought. She searched for something on the shelves. She found it, a bottle of chloroform...She turned to go and opened the door. There he was. Rose jumped backward, as she was startled.

"Um..hi...Uncle Albert..." She said.

"Hello Rose...Good to see you...What are you doing in my office?" He questions her.

"Um..I..uh...wanted to get some cough medicine for Gillette..." She lied.

"Well, here let me get it for you." Albert says, stepping torward his medicine shelf.

She pushed him back gently. "Oh no need,...no need! I've got it already, but thanks." Rose lied again.

"How are you feeling lately, Rose?" Her uncle asks.

"Never better...Never better!" Rose lied once again. "Bye Uncle Albert!" She walks out the door.

"Goodbye Rose!" He called after her. _"Is it just me or is she acting quite peculiar today?..." _Albert thought..._"Then again, she said she was fine..."_

Rose burst through the front door.

"Hello Rose, how was your walk?" Laura asked.

"It was just fine." She said coldly. "I'm going up to the room, I'm very tired...Don't expect me down for supper..."

She ran up the stairs and locked the bedroom door. She sat down on the bed, opened the bottle and took a few deep breaths of the chloroform, eventually drugging herself with it. She figured it was working, as she felt quite strange. She layed down on the bed and closed her eyes...

The next morning...

Rose Wilder Lane thought she was dead... _"Then why can I hear birds chirping?"_ She thought. _"Am I in Heaven?...Wait a minute?...Are there birds in Heaven!...What is going on?...I'm dead...aren't I?"_ Her eyes flutter open and she looked around..._"I'm still in the guest room!...So I'm not dead!...Oh thanks be to God!" _She was strangely relieved, for last night she wanted to kill herself. _"I know I'm never doing this again!" _She thought. She tries to sit up, but, a shooting pain in her head prevents her. "Oh my head!" She says, putting her hand to her forehead. "Oh mercy! My head! Now I know I'm really NEVER going to do that again!" She hears a knock on the bedroom door. "Rose? Honey, are you up yet?"

"Gillette." She whispers, and ran to unlock the door. She starts crying, and falls into her husband's arms. "I'm so sorry, Gillette!"

"Sorry? For what, sweetheart?...Honey, what's wrong?...It's ok." Gillette says, rubbing her back as she sobs harder.

"I've been so horrible to you and my parents!...To everyone!...I'm so terribly sorry!"

"Rose...sweetheart!...We understand...you're grieving...it's all right."

"No it's not...No it's not Gillette!...Last night...I...I tried to kill myself by drugging myself with chloroform from Uncle Albert's office." Rose confessed, with tears running down her cheeks.

Gillette looked at his wife, he looked shocked. "Are you all right, Rose?"

"I have a brand new look on life and a really, really, really, bad headache!"

"Oh I'm so glad!" Gillette says, hugging Rose. Tears run down his cheeks.

"That I have a really big headache?" She asks, staring at him like he's gone mad or something.

Gillette laughs at her comment. "No sweetheart. That you're alive! Rose, if you had died...I don't what I'd do without you!" He kisses her and brings her into a close embrace once again.

Rose comes downstairs, followed by Gillette. She approaches her mother and father with tears in her eyes...She falls into her mother's embrace first, sobbing heavily.

"I'm so sorry for all the hurt and trouble I've caused you, Mama." She says, sobbing. The words barely audible.

"It's all right, sweetheart." Laura says, sobbing as well. "It's all right...you're forgiven!"

Rose now goes to her father. He wraps her up in his arms and kissed her forehead. "I'm so sorry, Papa! I love you all so much, and I hope I never do anything like this to hurt you again."

"Like what, sweetheart?" Her father asks.

"I tried to kill myself last night with an overdose of chloroform,...I'm so sorry!" Rose goes back to sobbing again.

"It's all right, Rose...get it all out..." Almanzo said, rubbing his daughter's back, comforting her.

The next day, Rose apoligized to her uncle about stealing the bottle of chloroform. She payed him for the bottle she used and gave him more money to replace it...Albert was very, very undersanding about it. He was glad that Rose was truly starting to heal emotionally ever so slightly...He knew she probably wouldn't heal fully, but it was better than being wrapped up in her grief like she had been the last few months...


	11. Chapter 11

Weeks later, Rose and Gillette were about to get on a stagecoach, that would take them to a train-station, that would take them back to their lovely little home in California.

"Rose?" Laura says, touching her daughter on the shoulder. "Before you and Gillette leave how about we go and visit Eben's grave...you can say goodbye."

"Oh Mama..." Rose says with tears coming to her eyes. "I'd love that...but I won't say goodbye...because I'm always going to come back and visit...Lord willing, that is." She smiles.

So arm-in-arm, mother and daughter walk down to the baby's gravesite. Their husbands follow them. Rose kneels down and lingers a while at her baby's grave. Gillette comes up behind her, putting his arms around her. Tears, of course, still fall down their cheeks and onto the brown earth. Still, in the back of their minds, they know they have nothing to worry about, because they know they'll see their little baby boy in Heaven someday.

After a long while, Laura spoke..."Rose, you father and I have something to tell you."

Almanzo looks at his wife in a 'you're sure you're ready to tell her' type of look, also thinkng the same. His blue eyes soon well up with tears, for he knew this would very hard for her.

Laura, looking into his eyes, knew exactly what her husband was thinking. "Yes Manly." She whispers, biting her bottom lip, tears forming in her eyes.

"What is it, Mama? Tell me, please."

"Actually Rose,..." Laura feels the tears starting to fall..."We have something to show you,..." She takes a deep breath. "And we don't know how you're going to take this, sweetie." She says, wiping some tears from her cheeks, her voice became choked.

Laura, with Almanzo's arm around her, walked over to another grave, yards away from where they were...Rose and Gillette follow them...Laura and Almanzo hang back away from the grave...Rose looks at the headstone, and immediately her knees drop to the ground. Reading the inscription of the headstone, Rose can't believe her eyes. "Baby Wilder, born and died August of 1889" She quietly says...Tears come to Rose's brown eyes and she suddenly feels her mother's arms around her. "He was your baby brother, three years younger than you..." Laura started to weep as she began speaking. "...Your father and I and your cousin Jenny tried to agree on a name...but we just couldn't..." Laura smiled, though tears were still falling,..."I remember Jenny would stay up nights trying so hard to help us find a name that would fit him..." The last Rose heard of her cousin Jenny, was that she was happily married, had two children and was living somwhere in Iowa...Rose layed her head on her mother's chest and began to cry...Her mother put her arms around her..."You!...You must hate me now, Mama!..." Rose said through sobs and deep breaths..."I accused you of not knowing what it's like to lose a baby...when you actually do...I'm terribly sorry!..." She said, sobbing in her mother's embrace. "...Rose, I don't hate you, don't ever think that!..." Laura sobs. "You were just grieving...and everyone grieves in different ways...Sweetheart, our situations are very similiar...Maybe...too similiar..." Laura says, tears glittering on her cheeks. "And I think God might have wanted me to go through that...to help and comfort you...And sweetheart...I have a feeling that God might want you to help someone else dealing with this very subject..." Laura says, tears running down her cheeks, and she took a deep breath.

"But how can I when it hurts so?"..."I don't know if I could ever get over a thing like this!...I'm just...just so weak!" Rose says, as sobs engulf her.

"And who says you will ever?...Some broken hearts may never be whole again...Some hurts may never be healed...But then again, Rose, in your darkest and depressed moments, you can always go to God...A few Scripture verses that have always helped me and still helps me when I become weary, are Matthew 11:28 and 30, _"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest._

_For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."_

And also the Scripture passage, Romans 8:31-39.

_"What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?_

_He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?_

_Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth:_

_Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who maketh intercession for us._

_Who shall seperate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?_

_As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter._

_Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us._

_For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,_

_Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."_

"There are many things in this life, Rose,...that we don't understand,...but whatever it is we need to give that burden to God...because He sees the whole picture and He knows what is best for us...He loves us...and nothing can separate us from His love." Laura said, still in her daughter's embrace.

Rose thanked her mother for talking with her and comforting her...They got up and walked back into town and were soon informed that Rose and Gillette had missed their stage, and there wouldn't be another one till the next day.

"What a blessing! You'll have to stay another day then." Laura said.

"Of course." Rose smiled.


	12. Chapter 12

Laura and Almanzo once again put Rose and Gillette on a stagecoach so they could return home. Rose hugged both of her parents before she got on the stage.

"Take care of yourself, sweetheart." Laura said in her daughter's embrace.

"I will Mama." Rose smiled. "And I'll come back before you learn how to get on without me." She giggled, copying her mother's little saying.

"I love you." Laura said, kissing her daughter on the forehead.

"I love you too, Mama." Rose said. She went and hugged her father, and Laura approached her son-in-law. She wrapped Gillette up in a hug.

"I want you to know, Gillette..." Laura whispered. "That I think that Rose has found herself a wonderful man..."

"Thank you, Mama Beth." Gillette said, and Laura released him. He went on over and shook his father-in-law's hand, helped Rose into the stage and got in himself. As the stage rolled away from Walnut Grove, Rose and Gillette waved goodbye, and Laura and Almanzo waved back.

Five years later...In the year 1915.

Rose got home late one night after getting some information for one of her stories she was writing for the _Bulletin. _She hung up her coat. Rose saw that the sitting room was dark, and it smelled mostly of cigar smoke and whiskey...Tears ran down Rose's face..._"He can't be doing this again...Not again." _She thought. She braced herself and entered the room. "I'm so sorry I got home so late Gillette, I had to get some more information for the Art Smith story..."

"Yeah, whatever." He says, taking another swallow of his whiskey.

"Here honey...I'll go make you some supper...and then we can..." She started to say, but he cut her off...

"No need...made myself a sandwich..." He said, angerly.

"But sweetheart...that isn't alot...Look Gillette, it's no trouble at all. I can make you something."

"I said I don't want nothin'." He said harshly, taking another stiff drink of his whiskey.

"Honey, why are you doing this again?...You said you'd stop!..." Tears run down Rose's face. "Gillette, sweetheart...if you keep this up, this stuff will ruin you body!"

"What goes in my body is my own darn business!" He yells.

"Gillette why are you acting like this tonight?" Rose asks, her voice choked. "Talk to me please."

"You know why." He said, coldly.

"Today's the day Eben passed away." Rose said, tears come to her eyes. Remembering again today, that horrible morning she woke up to find her baby dead in his cradle.

Gillette springs from his chair and pins Rose against the wall. "You stupid broad!...It's not only that!...I'm a loser! A stupid, good-for-nothing LOSER!" He yells at her. "I'm worthless!...I can't even keep down a regular job!...Why would you even stay married to man like me?"

Rose starts to cry. "Because I love you Gillette...Stop putting yourself down like this!"

"I'm only telling the truth!" He says, gruffly.

"No you're not!" She yells. "...You're so drunk you don't know what you're saying...Snap out of it Gillette!" Rose yells and slaps him across the face. She pulls her hand back, not believing what she just did. She starts crying again. Gillette, being in his drunken stupor, rears back and strikes Rose across the face as well. Blood gushes out of her nose and onto her crisp, white blouse. He pins her against the floor and his grip on her wrists tighten. "You try that again, and it'll be the last thing you ever do." He says through clenched teeth.

"Gillette, please... let go of me!...You're going to break my wrists." Rose says, in tears. There was a look a fear on her face.

His grip tightens even more. "I'll let go when I feel like it!" He says and shoves her away on the wooden floor. Rose lays there, just sobbing.

"I'm going to bed!" He announces angrily, and leaves Rose exactly where she is. She lays there, sobbing a few minutes and then finally picks herself up off the floor, she goes to the washroom to try to clean herself up, changing into a light blue blouse that matched the dark blue skirt she was already wearing and tried to make herself look half-way presentable, she knew her mother would be arriving either late tonight or early morning...She had gotten so sick of how she was living with Gillette, and she was quite homesick so she wrote a long letter to her parents, her mother in particular, to come out to San Fransisco for a few months. Though, Rose never told her parents how rotten Gillette was treating her...Almanzo, knowing that he had the farm to tend to, and himself being not much of a traveller, insisted that Laura should make the trip...Rose entered her and Gillette's room, and saw that Gillette was out cold, laying on the bed, she then grabbed a blanket and left. She knew she'd probably pay physically for it later, but Rose locked their bedroom door on her way out. Just in case Gillette awoke late in the night and got hostile with her again. She went back to the sitting room, sat down in the overstuffed chair, the blanket covering her knees, and waited up for her mother awhile, in case she came that night. Rose fell asleep after a few hours.

The next morning, Rose awoke to hear Gillette vomiting in the washroom, as sick as a dog. Of course, because of all the drinking he did the previous day. She went in to help him, and cleaned him up. Rose helped him back into bed. She knew how bad his hangovers were usually. Gillette's eyes and ears were sensitive to the light and sound, so she closed the bedroom curtains and door to let him rest. Rose brushes her hair and puts it back up, dresses in her dark brown skirt and yellow blouse. She starts to clean up a little for her mother's visit, and she notices Gillette's empty whiskey bottles. She disposes of them and contiues with the rest of her housework.


	13. Chapter 13

Rose brought Gillette a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich, because she read somewhere that it might effectively relieve hangovers, and also a tall glass of water so he could rehydrate himself some. They never said one word to each other, and Rose went back downstairs. She hoped her mother would find their place all right, Rose had given her mother directions in the letter she sent. But, then Rose got the idea that maybe it would be better if she went down to the ferry to meet her mother. She figured Gillette might not worry over her, but she left a note for him just in case. Rose grabbed her coat and walked out the door. She got there just in time as the passengers were walking down the dock. Rose spotted her mother in the crowd.

"Mama!...Its Rose!...Over here!" She called to her mother, waving. Laura saw her daughter in the moving crowd, and Rose ran to meet her mother. She enveloped her in a hug.

"Oh Mama!...I'm so glad you're here!" Rose said, with tears coming to her eyes.

"I'm so glad to be here!" Laura said. She saw the tears in her daughter's eyes. "Is everything all right?"

"I'm fine, Mama. Everything's fine." Rose lied. She knew everything wasn't fine with her and her husband. "I've just missed you so much!" She said, hugging her mother's neck again. "C'mon lets go home. I'm sure you're exhausted from your trip!" They walked down the dock and saw Gillette approaching them.

"Hey Mama Beth!" Gillette says, hugging his mother-in-law.

"Hello Gillette." Laura said.

"It's good to see you up, sweetheart." Rose said, sort of akwardly. "Are you feeling better?"

Gillette nodded.

"Feeling better?" Laura asked. "Something we should be concerned about Gillette?"

"No Mama...He's fine...He just wasn't feeling like himself yesterday." Rose covered for her husband. "C'mon, lets get you home so you can rest awhile and tell us all about your trip."

They took a streetcar home, and Laura was tired she went straight to the guest room to rest a few minutes.

"Why didn't you tell me your mother was coming?" Gillette asked.

"Gillette, I did...you've known this for months!" Rose said. "But you were probably too drunk to remember anything!" She tried to leave to enter the kitchen, but Gillette grabbed her arm.

"Don't start this again!"

"Me?...Me...start something." Rose said, looking him straight in his green eyes. "You are the one who's practically making yourself ill by drinking all this whiskey! That's the start of all the fighting we're doing...Now let go of me."

Gillette released her arm this time.

"Can we at least try to get along while my mother is here?" Rose asked, calmly. Gillette followed her into the kitchen.

"You're right...I'm sorry sweetheart..." He apoligized, and held her by her shoulders, rubbing them a little.

"That's not all you should be sorry for, honey." Rose said, looking into his eyes.

"What?..Is it the whiskey?...Here then,..." He takes his last two bottles of whiskey and pours it down the drain. "I'm done with it."

Rose sighed. "It's not just the whiskey Gillette...but what's the difference you were drunk last night you wouldn't remember what you did to me...And how do I know you're not going to go back to drinking as soon as my mother leaves?"

Gillette was silent.

Rose began to get things ready for lunch. "Be glad she doesn't know Gillette...She'd have your hide..." Gillette left the room and went back to bed as he still wasn't feeling well. Rose saw her mother standing in the doorway..."How much of that did you hear, Mama?"

"Enough." Laura said. "What did he do to you, Rose?"

"Nothing." She said, going back to preparing lunch. She bit her bottom lip.

"Rose." She said sternly. "Tell me the truth...I'm your mother, you can share these things with me."

"He was drunk last night, we fought a little, he hit me..." Rose began.

"He hit you?" Laura asked. She was shocked.

"Mama, don't worry it's nothing major...He just bloodied my nose a bit." She lied. "I'm fine."

"You're sure you're ok?" Laura asked.

"Yes...now why don't you tell me about you trip." Rose said. They sat together in the sitting room and Laura told her daughter of the old man she sat next to on the train while going through Kansas City.

"His name was Louis German. He smelled like beer and said V instead of W, but he was very kind to me. Late in the night it got chilly, so he woke me up and placed his coat softly over me...He was old and gray-headed and a perfect gentleman."

"He sounds very sweet." Rose said.

Laura and Rose talked for hours about Laura's trip to California. Rose was glad her mother enjoyed the trip up here and was very glad she was finally here. Lunch was finally ready so she brought a plate of food up to her husband, and sat down to eat with her mother and returned to talking again about her trip.


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning, Gillette, Rose, and Laura went all over San Fransico. Things were going pretty well. Rose and Gillette were getting along. They were even being affectionate...Though in the back of Rose's mind she was wondering if it was all an act...and how long would he keep it up...On the other hand, she knows that Gillette does love her, and she loves him too.

They went out on the edge of a cliff where there were seats and statues around the edge and they sat down and looked out over the ramparts across the Pacific Ocean. An American eagle made of stone stands on the edge. Two cannons were in place pointing out to sea and were several piles of cannon balls. Laura kicked one of them.

"Owww! My foot!" Laura said.

"What happened Mama?...Are you alright?" Rose asked, alarmed.

"I kicked one of the cannon balls to make sure it was real...and it is." Laura said. This made everyone, even Laura to burst into laughter. Gillette, Rose, and Laura went to the beach together, and they all went wading in the Pacific Ocean.

"Hey sweetheart." Rose said, sitting next to him on the warm sand. He put his arm around her. "I'm sorry about our fight a few days ago...and I'm sorry I slapped you, Gillette. I didn't know what came over me...I just was tired of all the fighting and your drinking...and,"

Gillette kisses Rose and looks at her. Tears begin to well up in his eyes. "I'm the one who should be sorry...For everything I've done to you, Rose...I don't even know why you're still with me...I can barely support you because I don't have a normal job...just little odd jobs that can barely pay the bills, put food on the table...and you're working as much as you can to support the both of us..."

"Gillette...I don't care...I love my job as a writer...Even if it I use it as our income."

"I just feel like a failure...My own brother is a successful businessman...and I'm...nothing."

"Stop it!" She snaps at him. "You're not a failure, you're my husband and I love you!...That's why I married you and that's why I'm still married to you...That's why I will always be with you, Gillette...I love you..." She gives him a kiss on the lips. "...and I wish you'd stop putting yourself down like this."

Gillette didn't say anything. For he knew if he spoke his mind it would just start another fight. Rose kissed his cheek. "I'm gonna go wading with Mama again. Can we keep our shoes and stockings with you?"

"Sure." Gillette said.

"And can we stop at that nice Italian restaurant tonight? I think Mama would love it." She whispers in his ear. "My treat." She smiles.

Gillette kisses her forehead. "No, my treat. I can pay for it at least for tonight...Got some good money from that article I just wrote."

"Ok." Rose smiles. She and Gillette were about to kiss again, when they heard Laura's voice...

"Rose?...Are you coming wading with me or not?" She laughed.

Rose smiled and gave her husband a quick kiss on the lips. "Coming Mama!" She left to go wading.

The first wave went just over their feet. The second one, over their ankles.

"How delightful!" Laura began to say, but a larger wave came and reached up to their knees. Rose and Laura had just enough time to snatch up their skirts.

"That was wonderful!" Rose said as they were walking back to where Gillette was sitting with their shoes and stockings.

"Oh Rose! Who could ever think that the ocean is ugly?...It isn't...its so very beautiful and wonderful."

"I agree!" Rose said.

That evening they stopped at a little Italian restaurant for supper. According to Laura, the food was delicious. They had french bread, salmon steak, and tenderloin of sole, delicious fish. She also had a wonderful dessert of fresh berries in a pastry shell with some kind of syrup poured over it. Laura liked it very much.

"What do you call this dessert again, Rose?" She asked, taking another bite of it.

"French strawberry pie or its also called a 'tarte'." She said.

"Well, it is wonderful!" She said, smiling, and taking her last bite. Music began to play in the restaurant. A tune that Laura had never heard before.

"The song that's playing, Mama Beth, is called, "It's a Long, Long Way to Tipperary." It's an old English Battle Song." Gillette said.

"I like it." Laura was trying to say, but she was yawning instead.

"Mama...we can go home now if you're tired." Rose said.

"Yeah Mama Beth. We can leave whenever you want...I'll go pay the bill for our meals." Gillette says and leaves to go pay. When he came back, they went home and loafed around the rest of the day.

The next day, they took a walk close by Rose and Gillette's place and saw one of the exhibition aviator fly one of the planes that afternoon. His name was Niles. Laura described his flying in one of her letters to Almanzo, that ...Niles flew up and up, then dropped like an autumn leaf, floating and drifting and falling. He turned over, end over end, he turned over sideways both ways, then righted himself and sailed himself gracefully down...

They went back to the beach again and saw more planes flying. Rose suggested to her mother that before she returns home, that she should have a little flight. They returned late at night to Rose and Gillette's house. Laura decribed it as a dandy little place to live with a fine view from the upstairs windows. It was up at the very top of the hill, with the beautiful bay in sight.

"Mama, come quick! We can go see the fireworks at the fair!" Rose was looking out the window watching the fireworks. They all put on their heavy coats and went out and walked down the sidewalk by the house and sat down on the stone curb. Gillette's arm eventually found itself around Rose's waist, and Rose layed her head on his chest.

"Look at them! They're all so beautiful. Magestic." Rose said, gazing up at the fireworks.

"They are beautiful." Laura said. "So is that tower over there." She says, looking up at it. "The jewels glitter and shine in such beautiful colors."

"That's why they call the tower 'the white Tower of Jewels'..." Gillette said."The jewels come from Austria and they cost ninety cents each. They decorate all the cornices on the tower. Most nights like tonight, there is a searchlight shone on the tower to show it off."

"It is beautiful." Laura said.

As they looked at the fireworks, somthing called an aeroscope rose above the tops of the buildings. It was a "car" as Laura described it, that could hold five hundered people. It is raised very high so the people can look down at the whole Exposition.

"It looks like a giant with a square head, craining his long neck up and up." Laura said gazing up at the aeroscope.

"Hmmm...never looked at it in that way." Gillette said.

"Well I didn't suppose it looks like that to anyone else...that's just how it makes me feel." Laura smiled.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: All of Laura's letters you see in this story are actual letters that she wrote to Almanzo.**

_San Fransisco_

_September 4, 1915_

_Manly Dear,_

_ So glad to get your letter and know that you were all right. My, how wet it must be back there. I'm glad we live on the hills. Mrs. Rogers is a dear, and so are you for telling me not to worry and to have a good time. But the more I see of city life the more I love the country, and listening to Gillette talk of the farming the more sure I am that the law of averages holds here as elsewhere. Such enormous profits can be made on the farms here. Very good, he proves it, but still the farmers are unable to make the payments on their land which shows there is a leak here as everywhere._

**Authors Note: Gillette and Rose sold farmland and other property for the real estate business, Stine & Kendrick. Both together for a while and also seperately.**

_ Yesterday I loafed all day. I can not stand very much, someway. A little excitement carries me over and the next day I pay. The day before yesterday Gillette and I went to the Fair grounds in the afternoon while Rose wrote on her story. Then Rose came down in time for the illumination and fireworks and we stayed until twekve o'clock. One simply gets satiated with beauty. There is so much beauty that it is overwhelming._

_ The coloring is so soft and wonderful. Blues and reds and greens and yellows and browns and grays are all blended into one perfect whole without a jar to contain it anywhere. It is a fairyland. We went through a large entrance gate and were in the Zone, which is a long street of attractions like the side shows at a circus, only of course not to be compared with them as they are simply wonderful. We took a seat on one of the little trains drawn by a motor and rode the length of one, for it is so far and there is so much walking to do. I am going again to look particularly and then I can tell you about things as I should, but on this first visit Rose and Gillette wanted me to see the Exposition as a whole and get a sort of wholesale impression._

_ The buildings are built like those of a city and the streets and the four corners of streets form the courts. One goes through beautiful archways in the buildings into the courts where fountains splash and lovely flowers and green things are growing. There are life-like statues and figures of animals and birds. The foundation color of the buildings is a soft gray and as it rises it is changed to the soft yellows picked out in places by blue and red and green and the eye is carried up and up by the architecture, spires and things, to the beautiful blue sky above. I have never imagined anything so beautiful..._

Gillette and Laura went to see the "Forbidden Garden", which is an exact copy of an old garden where women were forbidden to go in for fear of death. The paths leading up to it are as if twilight had hit. The shrubbery is overgrown. Laura called it sort of a labyrinth, so that one comes suddenly and unexpectedly upon the little garden with its splashing fountain and its green grass and flowers...They went and saw the Southern Pacific Railroad exhibit. It was a life-like reproduction of California scenes. Even picturing the waterfalls and the blossoming orchards in the Santa Clara Valley. Among other things they saw was, "The Pioneer Mother" which is a statue honoring the women who braved the Overland Trails. Laura said the statue was wonderful and so true in detail. She gazed up at the statue of a woman in a sunbonnet, pushed back to show her face, her sleeves rolled up, guiding a young boy and girl in front of her. The statue showed the brave mother, sheltering and protecting her children with her arms and pointing the way westward. Laura looked at the large, heavy shoe that was exposed.

"My my! The shoe looks so real you'd think it was half-soled or something!" Laura exclaimed.

She and Gillette went to the gate to meet Rose just at dusk and they watched the dream-like city light up. They went and saw an exhibit honoring the Panama Canal, for which this world-wide fair was to celebrate for the finished construction of the Panama Canal.

They went over to Navajo Indian villiage. They looked like regular cliff dwellings and was built to be a rocky cliff. Steps were cut in the solid rock going all the way up. When you got up the cliff, there were large and small holes dug into the rock. That was where the Indians lived. They were making baskets and pottery and also weaving rugs. Laura didn't like it that it smelled like a wild beast den, but she thought the Indians were very friendly and good-natured.

They went from there to see the fireworks. Laura said when they were seen at a closer range they were even more beautiful.

They walked through the crowd to get a glimpse of the Japanese wrestling match. They even saw the Japanese Lantern Parade.

"Why, it's just a mob of Japanese carrying lanterns!" Gillette laughed.

"Yes, but isn't it interesting looking, honey?" Rose said and made a quick move and Laura lost her in the crowd. She looked back to see where Gillette was, but he wasn't there. Laura started to go into the last direction she had last seen Rose, but then stood as still as she could be. "Rose?...Gillette!" A panic began to form in her voice. _"Oh my goodness gracious!...I'm lost in San Fransisco!...What if someone trys to kidnapp me?...Or kill me?...Oh shut up Laura!...You're a grown woman for crying out loud! Quit trying to scare yourself!..." _She thought. She felt a hand on her shoulder. "Watch it buddy!...I have a purse! If you touch me again I'll..." Laura turned around. "...Gillette! You scared the living daylights out of me!" She said and playfully hit him on the shoulder with her purse.

"Its all right, Mama Beth. They crowded in but I haven't lost sight of you one bit!" He said, smiling. "C'mon lets go...There's Rose right over there."

During the next few weeks, Laura saw so many things in San Fransisco, all of which she wrote about to Almanzo. In one letter, she told she saw how Carnation milk cows were milked with a milking machine and told him if he got any literature about it, he should save it. Laura thought the milking machine was a great success.

They went to see the old mission, the Mission of Saint Francis of Assisi, (now called Mission Dolores) which was the first mission of San Francisco. It was founded by a priest who put a stone cross on the hill for the ships at sea. After they left the mission, they went to see Charlie Chaplin act in a moving picture show.

"My, that man is horrid!" Laura said.

"Why's that, Mama Beth?" Gillette asked.

"Well just look at him!...He looks quite peculiar!...And that little mustache of his. It makes him look ridiculous!"

Rose giggled. "I guess it does make him look quite funny."


	16. Chapter 16

Laura and Rose were spending the day indoors today. Laura was exhausted from seeing the little she had of the Exposition.

"I'm sorry I'm being so lazy today." Laura said, sitting down in an overstuffed chair, her eyes closed.

"That's perfectly all right Mama." Rose smiled. "I'm not expecting you to recover from this kind of a trip in less than a week." Rose heard a knock on the door. She walked over and opened it.

"Rose!" A man jumped through the door and hugged her. "How've you been, my beautiful sister-in-law?"

"Edson, I'm wonderful! I didn't expect to see you here!...How are you?"

"What? " He said, feigning as if he were offended. He laughed. "A man can't visit his little brother and his sis-in-law?...I'm here on business and I'd thought I'd stop by."

"Well come on in and sit for a while...I'll go get Gillette. He'll want to see you." He follows Rose into the sitting room. "I don't know if you've met, but Edson, this is my mother, Laura Ingalls Wilder."

"Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Wilder." He said, shaking her hand and taking a seat next to her.

Edson looked a lot like Gillette. Or should I say Gillette looked a lot like Edson, since Gillette was younger. Their features were very similar. They both had the golden blond hair, the aquiline nose, the smooth, straight forehead, the thin lips. Edson had a little bit darker hair than Gillette, and Edson had blue eyes, instead of Gillette's green ones.

Laura and Edson talked awhile together until Rose and Gillette entered the room.

"Gilly boy!" Edson said with his arms outstretched. "Come on over and give your big brother a hug, will ya?"

"Hey Edson." Gillette said, and went over and hugged his older brother. "How've you been lately?"

"Been doing very well. Very well!...Boy I haven't seen you two since you first got married!...Looks like you've put on a few pounds, hey Gilly." Edson said, patting his brother's stomach.

"Yep, all thanks to Rose's good home-cooking." Gillette smiled, putting his arm around her.

"Please!...I remember shortly after we were married. You simply refused for me to cook for you! You told me, you didn't marry a cook...and you didn't want your wife to have a burned complexion and red hands..." Rose smiled, laying her hand on his chest.

"What changed his mind?" Edson smiled.

"He took one bite of my Shepherd's Pie recipe and everything changed." Rose smiled up at him. "And I turned out just fine!...And do I have a burned complexion and red hands? I think not!" She laughed.

"C'mere you!" Gillette said, picked Rose up, swung her around and kissed her. Rose smiled up at him. She was glad that they were getting along.

"Hey now! You kids save some of that affection for your bedroom." Edson laughed.

"Edson!" Rose said. She couldn't believe a gentleman such as himself would say something like that.

Laura giggled. "I'll have to agree with Edson...Rose, I'm your mother and I don't even want to see that." She smiled.

"Mama!" Rose smiled. "It was just a kiss." She blushed.

"So how long exactly have you two been married? Four years is it?" Edson asked. "I'm getting old, you'll have to excuse me."

"Edson, you don't look a day over thirty-five." Rose said. "...and we will have our sixth wedding anniversary come March 24."

"Rose, you're an angel." He says, giving his sister-in-law a kiss on the cheek. "I turned thirty-nine last month...That's just one year away from the big 4-0!" He whispered in her ear. Rose giggled.

"Wow, six years on March 24..." Edson said.

"Yeah, thanks for saving my hide..." Gillette smiled, looking down at Rose. He was just joking, he had remembered their anniversary. It was only six months away.

"Oh you." Rose smiled up at him and playfully slapped his chest. "...Edson how long are you staying?...You'll have to have supper with us."

"Oh Rose, I'd love to!" He said. "I'll just have to take the afternoon ferry tomorrow, now won't I?"

So Edson stayed for supper that evening. He talked and talked and talked, updating Gillette and Rose about his recent business deals. He knew Edson necessarily didn't mean it, but Gillette thought his brother was bragging, and it made him feel a bit intimidated. Gillette, for some reason never could keep down a steady job and would find work whenever he could. Rose was working enough for them both by writing little serial stories for the _Bulletin._ Gillette had worked a few days that week covering a couple of conventions for a syndicate. Just a short job. Laura thought that the state of California was seeing hard times, even though the officials wouldn't admit it. Also because of the threat of war. She had told him not to worry, for sooner or later, he would manage to get on permanently somewhere. Business for him was just dull right now.

Edson somehow got on the subject of little Eben (He would've turned five years old, two months earlier), and asked if Rose and Gillette were going to try to start a family again. Rose's smiled faded.

"I'm sorry Rose...Did I strike a wrong cord?" He asked.

"No Edson...It's fine..." She said, sticking a forkful of food into her mouth. She looked through her eyelashes at Gillette. Who was looking right back at her. She knew it was possible, they were still young. Rose was twenty-nine, and Gillette was just two years older...They just never really talked about trying again. Talking about what happened hurt to much. Rose had told her husband she didn't wanted to take the risk of the same thing happening again...She didn't want to go through the same pain and heartache.

The next day at four, Rose, Gillette, and Laura went down to the ferry to see Edson start for home. They got there just in time and Edson boarded the ferry and was soon gone. The three soon went back to Rose and Gillette's place, for Rose had some more writing to do.

"I'm so sorry I've been so busy lately, Mama...You doing MY housework...You shouldn't have to..." Rose said.

"Oh Rose, don't worry about it!...I enjoy keep myself busy...doing little things here and there..."

"Well, I think I'll be all finished with this story sometime this week...and then we'll have a little time to play..." Rose was saying excitedly. "It'll be just splendid!...We can go see Mill Valley again, and the battleship and have another wonderful day at the Fair!..." Rose trailed off. She looked at her mother, who didn't look all to excited.

"What's wrong Mama?" Rose said, sitting down on the chair's armrest. She put her hand on her mother's shoulder.

Laura sighed. "I'm missing my Manly."

"And Inky?" Rose asked. Laura smiled and nodded.

Rose sighed happily. "He's such a cute little doggy, isn't he?"

"Yes he is." Laura smiled. "...I guess I'm just a bit homesick is all...but don't worry sweetheart, I'm very much enjoying my visit here." She said, giving her daughter a one-armed hug.

"I'm so glad, Mama...Oh, I love ya." She said, giving her mother a kiss on the cheek. "I'm gonna go upstairs and work on my story a bit...You can sit here and rest awhile. Whatever you want to do...I'll be down later to make the three of us some supper." Rose said and went up to her and Gillette's room.

The next day, Rose, Laura and Gillette spent the day at the Exposition.

"I'm sorry Mama...I really need to get some more facts for my railroad story..." Rose began.

"It all right Rose...You go on ahead...Gillette and I can spend the day together."

"All right. Thanks." Rose smiled. "I'll be in the Southern Pacific exhibit if you need me."

While Rose ran off to talk to one of the engineers, Laura and Gillette wandered all over the Exposition. They stopped at the Australian exhibit and saw kangaroos and wallabies. One of the kangaroos was taking an afternoon nap in a bed he made out of the sand.

"Oh the poor little thing!...The hot sun is shining right down on him..." Laura said. "...Oh my...I guess it must not bother him much. He's sleeping on his back with his legs sticking straight up in the air!" She laughed. She saw a lady kangaroo making herself a bed in the sand, and another one eating mud. They saw a little gray wallaby hopping around.

"Oh, look at the little wallaby, Gillette!" Laura exclaimed, as giddy as a young child. "It looks just like a little picture of the kangaroo, only more so...Their front parts are so much smaller and out of proportion to their hind parts...I think it makes them look a bit ugly and they're a little awkward when they hop around..." She laughed.

The New Zealand Building was close by, so they walked over. They watched a few moving pictures showing harvesting scenes, fishing scenes, surf bathing, how ships were loaded with the countries main exports which were oysters, hemp, wool, and cheeses. There was a stock show showing pictures of their cattle and horses.

"Oh I just loved looking at the pictures of New Zealand...Such a beautiful country..." Laura said.

"Didn't you and Almanzo talk about going there someday?" Gillette asked.

"Yes...I thought it could be something we could do together...get away for a while..." Laura smiled.

"It would be wonderful if you could go, Mama Beth..." Gillette smiled and put his arm around his mother-in-law. "I'll talk to Rose about it." He smiled.

They went through the France and Belgium Building, but they didn't stay very long as their time was limited.

"Maybe we can go through it again sometime..." Gillette said. "Hey look, there's Rose in front of the Horticulture Building..." He and Laura walked over to her. As soon as Rose saw them walking over, she waved.

"Hey Mama...Gillette...I thought we could stop at the Hawaiian Gardens. They're serving pineapple juice and other things there..."

"Pineapple juice?" said Gillette, not knowing if he would like something like that.

"Relax...They have Hawaiian coffee there too." Rose said.

"Let's go then!" Gillette smiled. He puts his arms around his wife and mother-in-law and went to the Hawaiian Gardens.

There was a beautiful combination of flowers and shrubs, and a large pavilion where the refreshments were being served. There was a little fountain in the center with water vines, shrubs, and flowers around the fountain's rim. The fountain and a little space are enclosed with golden ropes. There were marble pedastals inside the space with canaries in little cages on them. On one side is a balcony where a Hawaiian Band plays and sings their native songs. Laura was listening intently to the Hawaiian music.

"Oh, isn't is lovely?" Laura exclaimed. She closed her eyes while listening to the sweet Hawaiian music. A young Hawaiian girl was brought Laura and Rose their pineapple juice and Gillette his Hawaiian coffee. They sat an sipped their drinks and listened to the music playing. Laura thought she heard the canaries singing.

"They must have heard the music so long...They're singing an accompaniment." She smiled. "Its beautiful."

Laura gazed at all the strange plants and flowers and little goldfishes in rock tanks. She saw ferns with stems as large as the trunks of trees and growing just as high. She saw date palms and other curious plants. They went from there to the Food Products Building where everything edible is manufactured and sold. Laura decided not to write Almanzo about since she thought it was to long for a letter, and most likely told Manly all about it when she got home.

Then, they went to the Manufacturers' Building and Laura saw something that she thought would interest Manly. It was the "Keen Kutter" exhibit. In the center of this huge space, which was about two hundred feet square, there was a river and a waterfall. But not just any river and waterfall, this one was made entirely of metal. Hard to believe is it? Well, the waves were made of chains, the waterfall was chains on a windlass, and the water beneath the falls was also made of chains. Everything at the exhibit was worked by electricity. The waves were rolling down over the waterfall, the broken water was rolling away below. There was a ship, whose steel hull was made of a huge knife, sailed across the river above the falls. There was a great snake made of shining cutlery crawls across at the bottom of everything. Above this whole scene is an arch made of thousands and thousands of glistening spoons of many different sizes. At the upper right-hand corner was a giant pocket-knife with four blades that kept opening and shutting and at the upper left-hand corner was a row of seven blacksmiths, each standing in front his own little anvil with a different tool in his hand. At different times each would slam his tool on the anvil, of course, sharpening it. At the center top were two windmills made of ax blades and they were continually turning. At each side of the waterfall was a fountain with long streams of spray made of wire and the water was made of bits of wire. The upper part of the water was just medium-sized bits and there was as rim on the fountain and a circular of larger bits. It looked as it the water was running down, striking the rim, and running back down again. Laura thought the illusion was very good. Very believable. The name "Keen Kutter Cutlery" was written above the whole thing in shiny padlocks. Everything was in motion by electricity.

"I thought that exhibit was interesting." Gillette said.

"Me too." Laura said. "And I thought it was positively uncanny to see that pocket-knife, open and shut, as though it were alive and moving."

They took a streetcar home, and a man near them who was chewing gum. He wore a stiff hat pulled down tight on his head and every time he chewed, his hat moved up and down a full two inches. As Laura was looking at him she stiffled a silent laugh.

_"He chews with such regularity, it seems almost as if he were worked by electricity!..."_ She thought.

**Author's Note: In real life, Rose's baby (who also was never named) was either a stillborn or he died shortly after his birth. Some people say she might have even miscarried. Complications from a subsequent surgery prevented Rose from having any more children.**

**Author's Note: In real life, the only time they had seen Gillette's brother was a little time at the ferry. I thought it was strange that he had not visited them.**

**Author's Note: Laura wrote ****about the Food Products Building and it appeared****in the Missouri Ruralist on November 20, 1915.**


	17. Chapter 17

_San Fransisco_

_October 1, 1915_

_Manly Dear,_

_Rose gave me a ten-dollar gold piece last night. This makes $20 she has given me and makes $30 in gold I have to bring home with me. I have $5 in change which I expect I will have to spend to get me home-sleeping car berth, food, etc. I mentioned going home to Rose and she begged very hard for me to stay as long as my ticket will let me, which will be November 15. She said she would keep on making it up to me for my time if I would only stay. You see, she has given me $5 a week for the time I have been here._

_I am wondering if I would not earn more toward paying off the debts if I stayed in that way, and if you could get the fall work done and things in shape for winter if I did. How about it? If I stay the month of October, you see, I would have $60 to bring home with me if nothing happens to Rose's job, and that would help a lot. But of course it would not pay to do it if it will make you lose the potato crop or the other crops or anything like that. You are the one to say, because it is you who are having the hard time and you know how things are there._

_Gillette missed getting a good job this week by about an hour. He is gone today to see if he could do anything on a real estate deal. If it works he will make $150 or $200. If not, he has lost his expenses. There are a good many newspaper men here out of jobs. Gillette thinks that it is perhaps because there are so many out here for the year to see the Fair. He says if he can get a little ahead, a couple of hundred dollars, he believes he will try for a job in St. Louis or Kansas City. Rose says she would like to work in St. Louis and be where she could run down home, but she has such a good job here that she can not afford to give it up until she has a little ahead or a good job for sure back there. She is putting a part of her salary in the savings bank every week, besides running the house and what she gives me and Gillette's expense while he is trying to get something. He gets extra work every once in awhile and when he draws his pay he turns it all over to Rose and then every day takes just enough for his streetcar fare, lunch down town, and cigars._

_Lovingly,_

_Beth_

Days later, things were going a little better for Gillette, and Laura had written a private letter to Almanzo about it.

_Gillette has a job on the Call for a week now, so he will feel better. I tell you, this being in a city and out of a job is no fun._

_Rose has syndicated her Charlie Chaplin story. The syndicate is to take all the expense and trouble of selling to papers and magazines and Rose gets half the selling price. They tell her that they think they can sell it to papers in small towns and get an income from it of $500 a week for five weeks. The story runs for five weeks, you know, and the papers pay for it as they use it, at so much a week. Rose thinks they are seeing things larger than they will turn out but she hopes to get something from it._

_The more I see of how Rose works the better satisfied I am to raise chickens. I intend to try to do some writing that will count, but I would not be driven by the work as she is for anything and I do not see how she can stand it._

_Lovingly,_

_Beth _

Laura and Rose spent the day downtown together, but then Rose's boss, the managing editor, wanted her to come down to the office at twelve. Laura went down with her.

"He probably wants a couple of changes made in the story." Rose said to her mother. They walked into the building and waited outside his office a few hours till he was ready.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" Rose asked, walking into the man's office and shutting the door.

"Yes, yes. How's the railroad story coming along?" He said, laying his hands on his desk.

"Very well. I'm nearly finished."

"Do you know of that Australian musician who has been giving concerts here?" He asked, lighting a cigar and sticking it into his mouth.

"Yes. He's becoming an international figure and he's a wonderful player of the violin...but...what would he have to do with the railroad story?" Rose asked, confused.

"Put that story on hold...Don't worry, we'll publish it later...But for right now, I want you to get a story of this man's life and have it ready to start Thursday in place of the railroad story...You'll have to write it in a hurry...Think you can do it?" He asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"Oh yes sir! I'll be able to do it. There's no doubt in that." Rose said. "I'll start right away."

"As well you should...You're dismissed, Mrs. Lane." He said sitting back down in his chair.

"Thank you, sir." She said, and walked out of his office. When she entered the lobby, Laura was gone.

"Where did she go?" Rose thought out loud.

The receptionist at her desk spoke up. "A tiny little lady was she? Looked about in her late forties? Auburn hair? Graying ever so slightly? She was wearing a cream blouse and dark green skirt?"

"Yes...That's my mother."

"Oh...She said she might as well start home...She left awhile ago."

"Thank you." Rose said and left.

"Oh Mama! I could have at least walked you home!...Oh I really don't have time for this right now, I have to get that story!..." Rose thought out loud. "Its all right Rose...just call for her when you're finished...Yeah that's what I'll do!..." She reassured herself.

Laura had returned home and was about to write Almanzo, but then decided to visit the little artist girl named Berta. She was worried Rose might come home early and worry because she would not find her there. So she left a note saying where she was. Laura went to visit Berta for a few hours, and meanwhile Rose was downtown and was about to phone her mother.

"...Hello? Operator?...Yes. Could you please telephone 1019 B. Vallejo Street, please?...Thank you...Yes, I'll hold..." Rose waited a few minutes, the receiver and mouthpiece shaking in her hands. She heard the operator's voice again on the other end. Rose spoke,"...You couldn't reach her...Well, thank you for your time...Goodbye..."

_"I have a very bad feeling about this...What if something happened to her!" _Rose thought. She looked up at the clock and saw she must finish her interview with Fritz Kreisler, the Australian violinist. Rose decided that she would try again to phone her mother later.

"...Well,...I served in the Austrian army against the Russians...Four weeks...and was in the trenches and I came out wounded and I'm unfit for further service..." Mr. Kreisler was saying as Rose was interviewing him. Rose tried her best to listen, smiling and nodding once in a while, writing down facts about the man...but inside, she was terrified that something had happened to her mother.

"I'm sending all I make with my violin concerts, back to help, not to carry on the war,...but to save other men from starving and to care for the children my wife and I have adopted." He went on.

"Yes, I've heard something about that." Rose said. "You and your wife have adopted forty-three children, you say? Remarkable!"

Mr. Kreisler told Rose that there was no hatred for each other among the soldiers and all these stories of barbarities committed by the soldiers of one side and on the wounded of the other side were simply made up by the papers and those higher up for the sake of inflaming popular passion and creating a hatred. Both German and Russian, when gathering the wounded from a battlefield, took both the Germans and the Russians and treated them alike.

"Among the children we support, my wife and I are also supporting three Russian families,...the Mrs. was a nurse for the Austrian army. She was so tenderhearted when a wounded soldier couldn't die in peace because he was worried about his children that she promised him that if I lived to return home we would take care of his children. She kept her promise. When I returned, she had promised forty-three, and among them were the three Russian soldiers..."

Mr. Kreisler also spoke of one account, that among the wounded they managed to save was an Austrian man with a shattered jaw. They fixed his jaw as best as they could, but the man couldn't eat solid food. In the company, there were a few eggs. So they fed the man all of them and went without themselves, not knowing how that they would desperately need food soon themselves.

"Thank you so much Mr. Kreisler...I think that's all I need..." Rose smiled and shook his hand.

"My pleasure young lady...I hope all goes well with your article."

"Thank you...and farewell." Rose told him and departed and went back to finish her business at the _Bulletin _office. When there she tried again to call Laura. No answer. Rose was very, very worried, but she had to go see the City Editor. So she went over to the office.

"Mrs. Lane? What's wrong?...You look like you've seen a ghost or something!..." One of the girls who worked at Bessie Beatty's office said. "Are you alright?"

"I think something's terribly wrong Hannah,...I can't seem to get a hold of my mother, she left for home when I went to my boss's office and later I tried to get a hold of her but the operators said they couldn't reach her...I need to go up to the see the Editor...Could you see if you could get a hold of my mother for me?" Rose asked, worried and on the verge of tears.

"Of course I will." The girl said, and Rose went upstairs to the office. She went and did business with the Editor and returned downstairs.

"Did you get a hold of her?" Rose asked hopefully.

"No, I'm sorry, we can't reach her."

"Thank you." Rose said, and ran out the door as fast as she could. Rose was very terror-stricken. She rushed home as fast as the street-car would carry her. Meanwhile, Laura had returned for her visit with Berta, and went into her bedroom to type a letter to Manly.

_"This is so horrible!...I just know something's happened to her!...She could've been kidnapped or run over by an automobile! She didn't have her purse with her so there's nothing to identify herself with! ...Don't these kind of things happen every day?...My goodness gracious! What in the world am I going to tell Papa?...He'll hate me for the rest of my life and I won't be able to take anyone anywhere!...I'm such a horrible daughter!...I've lost my own mother in San Fransisco of all places!"_ Rose thought, and was in tears. She buried her face with her hands. Suddenly, the street-car had stopped. Rose looked up and saw that they were in front of her house.

"You getting off here, lady?" One of the conductor's asked.

"Yes sir, thank you." She said and payed the fare, and rushed up the steps and through the front door.

_"Rose, everything's going to be ok. Just telephone the emergency hospital, and then you can..." _She thought, reasuring herself. She saw a piece of paper on the dining-room table, so she picked it up and began to read...

_My dear Rose,_

_Didn't want you to worry about me, so I left a little note for you. Went over to see your charming little artist girl friend. Should be back in a few hours._

_With Love,_

_Mama_

"Oh, thank Heavens! She must be at Berta's." Rose said and rushed out the door to Berta's place.

Rose knocked furiously on the wooden front door. After a few minutes, it opened. "Rose!...Hello!"

"Hello Berta! I found a note saying my mother went and visited you...Is she still here?" Rose asked with a worried tone in her voice.

"No, I'm sorry, Rose. She's been gone about three quarters of an hour." Berta told her.

"Thank you, Berta." She said quickly and ran across the street to Bessie Beatty's place. Of course, Laura was not there.

_"Maybe she's at the grocerey store...but we've only been there a couple times...And why would she go there?...Oh, just...move Rose!" _She thought to herself. She hurried over to the little grocery store where she buys her things. Which was quite a little ways away. She didn't see her mother there either so she rushed home again as fast as her legs would carry her.

_"I'll just call the police to report her missing...That's what I'll do..." _She thought and was crossing the room to do so when she heard a typewriter peacefully clicking away in the bedroom.

"Mama!" Rose cried. It startled Laura so that she almost jumped out of her skin!

"Rose, what's the matter?" Laura asked, very surprised to see her daughter like this. She was hysterical with sobbing. Rose ran to her mother and clung tightly to her.

"Oh Mama. You're alive!" Rose sobbed.

"Yes I am!...Rose, I'm only forty-eight you know!...I'm not that old!"

"Oh Mama! I thought you were killed by an automobile or something!..." Rose said, and both women sat down on the bed. "Mama, more and more every day, people get run over by those automobiles...I'm never letting you out of my sight again!" She said with tears streaming down her face and she tightly hugged her mother's neck.

"Rose...Rose, sweetheart. Calm down." Laura said rubbing her daughter's back. Laura tenderly held her daughter by the shoulders and smoothed back her now dishevelled, brown hair. "You should've thought I could manage better and get home by myself somehow." She laughed.

"I was just so worried about you Mama!...I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you!" Rose hugged her mother's neck again.

"Well, I'm just fine. Aren't I?...Nevertheless Rose, I went downtown and back again by myself...I even had to cross Market Street to get to the _Bulletin_ office." Laura said.

"But that's the worst street in the whole city!" Rose exclaimed.

Laura smiled and laughed silently. "I had no trouble. No trouble at all!"

"Where in the world were you, Mama!" Rose asked. "I looked all over for you!"

"Rose, I was here, typing my letter to your father."

"You were here...the whole time." Rose said, with a look of disbelief on her face.

**Author's Notes: Gillette's newspaper, the **_**Call**_** was a rival newspaper of Rose's newspaper the **_**Bulletin. **_**Hmmm...That must have been intersting! :)**

**A syndicator offered a story written for a single newspaper to hundereds of papers all over the country for republication at a relatively small price to each.**

**The "little artist girl" later became the renowned Berta Hader, author & illustrator (along with her husband, Elmer) of children's books.**

**Bessie Beatty was the woman who had launched Rose's carrier by persuading her into writing some free-lance stories for the **_**Bulletin.**_

**In the book, "West From Home", Laura just mentioned that she left a note for Rose on the table. So, the note in this story is my own creation! :)**

**Most of you probably know that in real life, Laura called Almanzo, 'Manly' and Almanzo called Laura, 'Bess' or 'Bessie' I like the show's nicknames better. So that is what I used. :)**

**It didn't say what the girl's name was who worked at the Bessie Beatty's office so I picked one out at random.**


	18. Chapter 18

"You were here...the whole darn time!" Rose said, anger boiling up inside her. Except she didn't say the word darn.

"You watch your language young lady!"

"Last I checked, I was an adult woman who could speak for herself!" Rose snapped.

"As am I, if you haven't noticed!...And I thought I could at least walk home all by myself! And I did!"

"You had me running around the whole city of San Fransisco!...I was worried sick about you!...I ran over here two or three times to check if you were back!" Rose yelled.

"Well, if you'd had stopped long enough...You would have heard the typewriter! Now wouldn't you?" Laura said, raising her voice.

"I saw your note on the dining table and it said you were at Berta's!...If you weren't so careless, you wouldn't have left it out!..." Rose began. "You don't even care how worried I was about you!" She yelled.

"That's enough, Rose Wilder Lane!...I'd rather not be yelled at by my twenty-nine year old daughter!"

"Fine then." Rose snapped, her fists clenched at her sides. Gillette had returned and was standing in the doorway. He had no idea what was going on, he just came home to them screaming at each other. Something he had NEVER witnessed before.

"What the devil?...What is going on here?" He asked.

"Is it any of your business Gillette?...Now if you will excuse me...I am going up to my room to finish my letter to Manly." Laura said, and walked off.

"What in the world is the matter with her?"

"Never mind, Gillette!" Rose said, starting to walk away from him.

"Rose, what happened? Tell me!" Gillette said, laying his hand on her shoulder.

Rose turned around and looked Gillette straight in the eye. "I will tell you when I cool down." She said through clenched teeth and walked off straight to their room. Later, Rose came down to talk to him about it.

"She had you running around the whole city of San Fransisco?"

"Practically!" Rose said. "I was so worried about her, Gillette!" She said and started to cry. "I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to her!" Gillette wrapped his arms around her.

"I don't know why I'm acting like this." She sobbed. "I'm sorry."

"Hmmm...emotions running wild...Maybe you're pregnant again..." Gillette joked.

Rose stared at him. "You and I both know that you have to do a certain _thing_ for a woman to get pregnant...and we haven't lately..." Her words were harsh-sounding.

"Yeah sweetheart...I uh, wanted to _talk_ to you about that..." He said, very seductively and wrapped his arms around her waist. He seductively and passionately kissed her neck.

"Let go of me!... Let me go Gillette!...LET ME GO!" Rose yelled, escaping out of his embrace. "I told you I'm not ready!...I don't know if I'll ever be, Gillette!" She said, backing away from him, in tears. "Why would you joke about something like this anyway?...You know how losing our baby effected me!..." She yelled.

"How could I forget? You drugged yourself with chloroform and almost killed yourself!" He yelled.

"I was grieving!...You knew that!" Rose said, as tears rapidly fell from her eyes. "You understood!"

"...Rose,...I greived over him too!...He was my son as well, you know!" Tears were flooding his eyes. His nose was turning red from crying.

"Can we just drop the subject?...How did we even get on it in the first place?" She said, running into the kitchen. She wanted to escape. To get away from the whole conversation. Plus, she knew that starting to get supper on the table would be a good excuse to. As Rose reached the kitchen counter, her hands seemed to lock onto it and one fist pounded the counter top. She dropped to her knees, as once again she was sobbing. She sat there on the floor, her face covered with her arms and she sobbed until she felt she couldn't sob any longer. After a few minutes, Rose had calmed down, so she picked herself off of the floor, went to the washroom and splashed cool water on her face and dried her face with a towel. Rose went back downstairs and got supper on the table. The three of them ate it in silence. The only thing that was said was Gillette asking Laura to pass the mashed potatoes...Immediately after supper, Laura went straight to her room. Gillette stood to his feet, picked up his newspaper and gave Rose a kiss on the forehead. He walked into the sitting room, sat down in his favorite overstuffed chair and read his newspaper. Rose sat there at the kitchen table for a few minutes. She knew she must apologize to her mother. She figured they were both cooled down enough, so she trudged upstairs and knocked on the wooden bedroom door.

"Mama? Can I come in, please?" Rose said quietly.

"You may..." She heard her say. Rose slowly opened the door. She saw her mother sitting on the bed. Rose walked over and sat down beside her. They didn't speak one word to each other for a few minutes. Rose stared down at her hands, which were folded in her lap. Finally, she looked up, with tears streaming her cheeks. "Mama, I'm sorr..." Rose began. Laura interrupted her.

"Rose, you don't have to say it..."

"Yes I do, Mama!...I'm sorry...I was acting like a child, and not the twenty-nine year old adult woman that I am...My temper got the best of me...I should have known you could walk home by yourself...I was just so worried about you..." Rose said, hugging her mother. "That's such a busy street, and I...when you weren't here I thought the worst had happened...I was scared..."

"Rose, I'm at fault here too...I shouldn't have walked off on you..." Laura began.

"I'm sorry we fought..." Rose said. "I started that anyway..."

Laura chuckled. "Rose, that just shows how much alike we are!...We're both feisty!"

Rose put her arm around her mother. "Well, I learned from the best. Didn't I?" She smiled.

"I love you." Laura hugs her.

"I love you too, Mama...So are we good? No more fighting?"

"Not if we can help it!" Laura laughed. They both got up and went downstairs.

"Everything back to normal now?" Gillette asked, getting up from his spot.

"It is." Rose smiled at her mother.

"Wonderful." Gillette said, putting his arms around them. "...My two best girls."

Laura playfully slapped his cheek. "You better watch it!...I could turn into a mean mother-in-law just like that..." She said, and snapped her fingers. Gillette raised his eyebrows at her and had a bit of a frightened look on his face, which made both Laura and Rose burst into laughter. Gillette loosened up and laughed with them. "Like mother, like daughter...you both pick on me now..." Rose kisses his cheek. "Hey now, that makes it a bit better!" Gillette said.

**This chapter is dedicated to my friend and fellow fan fiction writer, Sand n' Sable. She gave me the idea. :)**


	19. Chapter 19

Back home, Almanzo was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking his evening coffee and reading one of Laura's letters dated October 14. A piece of paper that was included in the letter fell to the floor and Almanzo bent over and picked it up.

"What's this?...Oh how nice! A letter from Rose." He began to read it.

_Papa Dear,_

_Something is happening which I think you should know, though to me, especially, it is a painful subject to contemplate. I notice Mama Beth says nothing about it in her letters, but I can quite understand why she does not. Still, I feel it is only right you should know, and I think it is my duty to tell you..._

"Gee, I hope everything's all right!" Almanzo thought out loud. He began to take a sip of his coffee and he read the next line.

_Mama Beth is growing fat!..._

With reading that line, Almanzo did a spit take on his coffee and accidentally spilled the rest of it onto his lap!

"Oh goodness, that's hot!..." He jumps up out of his seat like a cannon ball out of a cannon! "...And just look at my trousers! Beth's gonna skin me alive!...Although,..." Almanzo stifles a few laughs. "...She might just skin Rose if she happens to read this letter!...That won't be pretty!" He said to himself and went upstairs to change into another pair of trousers. He came back downstairs to finish reading Rose's letter.

_I do not know whether or not it is the fish she eats. She eats a tremendous amount of it!...Yet, fish is supposed to be good brain food. I never heard that it was fattening!_

_Perhaps it is the Scotch scones. They are very delicious, crumbly, hot cakes, spread thick with butter and jam..._

"Ooooo...those sound good!" Almanzo thought out loud, then he furiously shakes his head. "Focus Almanzo...Focus!" He goes back to reading.

_She eats two of them without a quiver! Once, she ate three! Afterward, she said she felt queer, and wondered if she had eaten something...It may be the scones._

_I will not take her to the scone booth again. It is always a dangerous undertaking anyway, because it is just beside the fish exhibit, and she stands outside the glass cases, looking at the trout and salmon and rock cod and flounders and sand dabs and catfish and ratfish and crabs and shrimps and sea cucumbers and sole,..._

"Wow Rose, does this letter just list seafood?" He thought out loud, chuckled and began again to read the rest of the letter.

_...and I am in MORTAL TERROR every minute that she will not be able to restrain herself any longer, but will break the glass and will eat some of them right there! ...Even with two scones, a package of Pan-pak and fifteen cents worth of salted nuts and a rosecake AND a bag of Saratoga chips in her hand, she still looks at the fish with the same longing expression!..._

Almanzo was laughing so hard, he was almost rolling around on the floor! "Ok,...ok Rose!...I get the message! I'll keep Beth away from the fish from now on!" He went back to reading.

_No, I shall not take her to the scone booth any more! I shall go myself, and bring the scones out. Or leave her standing by the big guns where they pop the rice?...Ever eat popped rice? Its better than popcorn! Gillette eats it with butter and salt, the same way._

_Mama Beth has just interrupted-I am supposed to be writing the "Behind the Headlights" story-she has just interrupted and said, "Luncheon is served." When she cooks the luncheon its so delicious you can't help but overeating! I fear by the time you read this letter, she will be still fatter!_

_Anyway, I've done my duty and told you._

_Lots of Love,_

_Rose _

"Well Rose, you always were a drama queen...but, I guess that's good for your writing." He said. "At any rate Rose, I love your mother just the way she is...even if she is 'growing fat' as you say." Almanzo said to himself.

Then, Rose had written her father once more.

_San Fransisco_

_October 20, 1915_

_Dear Papa,_

_I meant to write you much sooner, and I hope you have not been worried by not getting a letter from Mama Beth. She was hurt by a streetcar last week but is all right now. She does not want anyone in Walnut Grove to know about it, because she says it looks as if she could not take care of herself in a big city,...but on account of not writing for so long she thought I had better write and tell you._

_It was not her fault at all. She was going downtown with Gillette, and he jumped off the car while it was going full speed! She stood up suddenly, surprised by the way he did, and fell off! The back of her head struck the stone pavement, and things looked pretty bad for awhile, but they got her to a hospital right away and the doctor said that there was no danger, it was only a superficial wound, no fracture or anything like that. She is coming home today._

_It has been too bad, because she has lost a whole week and it will probably be another before she can get up and around and see much. We will not be able to get anything from the streetcar company because it was not their fault at all._

_She has been in the best hospital in town, and except for a bad headache she has been quite comfortable. Of course she is pretty weak yet, from the shock and all, but that will be gone in a few days more. She had written you a long letter, and had it in her hand when the accident occurred. We can not find it, and suppose it has been mailed to you by someone who picked it up. It had a note in it from me, so you will know that by whether or not you got it._

Almanzo laughed. "Oh believe me Rose, I got the note!" He went back to reading the letter.

_She has an order for several articles from the Ruralist, and she will get them this next week and we will write them up. That will be some real money for her!_

_I did not read your first letter about you not being well until the second came that said you were better. I hope you're feeling fine by this time; when I read the first letter I certainly felt blue._

_She told me what to tell you to feed the hens, and I wrote it down on a piece of hospital paper. I will send it with this._

_She says she supposes that there is no use feeding them much if they are getting so much corn, which is not good to make them lay, and they have so much of that they do not eat things that would make them lay._

_It certainly has been too bad, that she was needed at home so much. She is always worrying about how you are getting along and it is a shame I could not have had a little more money so you could have a man to help you with the farm work and a lady to cook for you, both. But I suppose that even then you would not find her cooking as good as yours by a long ways!_

_I am writing the life of Henry Ford now, and he was telling me yesterday that he is building a farm tractor now that sells for $200 and weighs only 1,500 pounds. It runs for eleven hours on fifty-four cents worth of kerosene. It is not on the market yet, but will be, soon, and it struck me that it would be better than a team of horses for lots of the farm work, because it would not cost anymore, and when it was not working it would not be eating as a horse would, and you could make it go fast or slow just as you liked. I am going to ask him more about it._

_I am going down to the hospital now to get Mama Beth and bring her out to the house. She said to tell you, that whatever you did, to take good care of yourself and Inky till she gets back. She says she thinks she ought to start pretty soon, on account of you being there with all the work to do, but my private opinion is that she's homesick. I want her to see a little more of the state, Petaluma, and some of Marin County, though, before she leaves. It is hard to show her as much as I would like to because I have to keep on earning my little pay envelope, and that takes a lot of time._

_Lots and Lots of Love,_

_Rose_

_**"**_Boy!...That was a long letter!" Almanzo said, taking his coffee cup in hand, and sipping the last of it. _"I'm sure glad that my Beth is alright..."_He thought. Almanzo found an extra note included in Rose's letter. He began to read this as well.

_Mama says, about the hens-if you have not already mixed up the package of fenu-greek that is on the end of the long shelves near the woodshed door-mix it up with the package of cayenne pepper that is on the shelf beside it, and the same quantity of ginger, then add lime until its the right color-she says you should know what color it should be. Feed it the same as Pratt's food-about two t a b l e s p o o n s..._

Almanzo had fallen asleep!...His eyes jerked open and he found his right cheek pressed against the cold, wooden table-top. Sleepiness had overcome him and he yawned till he thought his jaw would break!

"I'll...I'll finish reading this tomorrow!..." He said, yawning a very huge yawn again and trudged upstairs to bed, completely forgetting about his empty coffee cup on the table!

**Author's Note; In the second letter Rose wrote to her father, the place where it says 'Walnut Grove' is actually supposed to be 'Mansfield', but since my story is set in Walnut Grove, I had to change it. :) **

**Sorry it took so long, people! Been swamped with homework and such!**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Some strong language will occur. It will be censored in order to not be so offensive to readers. Myself included. I hate swearing! I just thought this needed some drama! So enjoy! :)**

Just as Rose had said in the letter, she went down to the hospital to bring her mother home. Laura was feeling all right, except for a bad headache. Rose wanted to make sure her mother was quite comfortable, so anything her mother needed, Rose made sure she got it.

"Anything I can get you, Mama?" Rose asked her mother, walking into the little guest room one morning.

"Rose! I'm perfectly fine!...I don't need one thing! You've done enough already!"

"Mama, I just want to make sure that everything is as right as rain and you're comfortable!"

"I am quite comfortable." Laura said, trying to sit up in bed against the pillows.

"Here! Let me help you, Mama!" Rose said, running to her mother's side, fluffing up the pillows and helping her mother sit up against them.

"Rose! Would you please STOP fussing over me? I'm fine!"

"I'm just trying to help you!" Rose said, giving the pillow one last fluff and tucking her mother into bed.

"Land sakes!...Rose Acacia Wilder Lane!...Stop this! I am your mother, for crying out loud...NOT your child!" Laura yelled, and as soon as she spit out those words, Laura wished she could take them back, but she knew she never could. Laura could tell by Rose's facial expression that it had emotionally wounded her.

Rose changed the subject very quickly, hoping she could forget what her mother just said. "You know Mama,...I always wondered why my middle name is Acacia. I mean, I know its very pretty, but its some kind of tree...I mean...don't you think its strange you named me after some silly ol' tree?" She said, but her voice was choked and tears were forming in her brown eyes. Rose knew she couldn't forget the words that were spoken to her just minutes before.

"I...I'm sorry Rose...I never meant what I said." Laura said to her daughter, tears forming in her eyes as well.

"I know you hadn't, Mama..." Rose managed to speak, though more tears were welling up in her eyes. Rose turned and ran out of the room, went quickly upstairs to her and Gillette's room, and locked the door. She ran and flung herself onto the bed, crying into the pillows so no one could hear her. She sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed till she felt her eyes go dry and felt that she couldn't shed another tear. At one point, Rose found herself crying out to God, something she hadn't done in years.

"Why?...Why God?...Why did You take him from me? From Gillette?...From the both of us!" The tears started to flow again. "I know we would've been wonderful parents! If You would've just given us a chance!...Oh God!...Why?" She lay there sobbing for hours, it seemed! After a long while, her sobbing had died down a little and Rose was silent for a moment or two. "I thought I had taken care of this five years ago!" Rose thought out loud, she closed her eyes and more tears seeped through her eyelashes. Rose sat up on the bed, and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Brown hair desheveled, tears streaming down her cheeks, nose red from crying. She didn't like at all what she saw. "Face it...Face it, Rose Wilder Lane!...Something bad happened to you that you didn't like!...It hurt you and you got bitter at God,...at your own family...Well,...you can't stay bitter forever!...You either get bitter or get better!" She almost yelled at her own reflection. "Bitter or Better. What's it gonna be, Rose?...What's it gonna be?" She said the last part almost at a whisper and then stared at herself in the mirror. _"Just look at me!...I'm talking to my own reflection!...Am I going mad or something?"_ Rose breathed a very deep breath and went to find her comb and brush to try and fix her hair and make herself look presentable.

Laura was in her guest room, and she felt a bit better physically so she decided to type a letter to Manly. She figured he might be worried about her, so she sat at her desk with a typewriter and started to type.

_San Fransisco,_

_October 22, 1915_

_Manly Dear,_

_I am so sorry that you have been sick and that Inky hurt himself. Rose says she wrote you that I got hurt. I am all right, only a little weak yet. I had thought by this time I would have everything done and be ready to start home. I know I should be there helping you get things ready for winter unless by some good chance you were making things ready without me, but I might have known that you would not be able to get help if you particularly wanted it..._

_I have given up the idea of the ocean trip. It would break into Rose's work and she is very busy. I would not care to go alone and it would cost more than to come straight home. So I will take the train here for Kansas City without change. I am also going to let the trip to Petaluma go. I would rather spend time at the fair, save the expense and the tiresome train ride,..._

_I have accomplished some of the things that I came to do to my entire satisfaction and some are still up in the air. Stine has been out of town ever since I have been up here so that we have been unable to find out anything definite about that $250 or any more to stop (mortgage) interest with, but Rose will try again in a day or two. I did so want to take it home with me but if I can not do that it will come later. Gillette is working extra now with a fair prospect of a regular job next week. If he gets it things will be smoothed out considerably._

_Rose got into the movies again, unknown to her until it was all over. She was taken with the Henry Ford party on the board battleship Oregon. She is working now on the life of Ford, which will begin soon in the Bulletin. I do not know whether the outlaw story will be published in book form or not. If you are reading Rose's story of the engineer you may like to know that every incident in it is true. She went all around hunting up engineers to talk with and she found one that fired on an engine through Dakota north of us during the long winter, or rather did not fire, because the trains could not run. In that part of the story Rose used some of what he told her and some that I told her._

_Rose and Gillette are out chasing around after Ford to get more material for Rose's story (It being Sunday, Gillette is not working). I would like to be with them, only I am not quite strong enough yet..._

Rose and Gillette were out riding around San Fransisco in their little green automobile. Rose was driving, and Gillette was sitting in the passengers seat.

"You sure are quiet today, Rose." Gillette remarked, taking out a cigar from his cigar box and a match. "May I?" He asked.

"Why would it be my choice for you to smoke or not?...You said it was a masculine habit, and me being a woman I wouldn't understand...Heck Gillette! Do whatever you want! You always do!"

"What's your problem today?...You've been getting snippy with me lately!...Your time of the month or something?" He put the cigar back in its box and put the cigar box back into his shirt pocket.

Rose rolled her eyes at him. "No Gillette...Just something Mama said to me...I don't want to talk about it..." She looked and focused her eyes back on the road.

Gillette smirked. "Oh just perfect!...What did the old bat say to you now?"

Rose snapped at him. "Don't you dare call my mother that again!...She's been wonderful to you and you **** well know it! Putting up with your worthless..." Rose stopped herself.

"Oh what was that?...What were you going to say to me, Rose?" Gillette mocked, putting his hand on the back of his ear.

"Your worhless ***!...You've been acting like such a jack *** lately!" She said, looking forward, both hands on the steering wheel. Her voice was firm.

"Said the woman who's been treating me like an ***hole!"

"Well, don't act like one then!" She yelled at him. "...I thought you promised we wouldn't fight while my mother is here!" Rose said, turning a corner and into a parking lot.

"She isn't now." He smirked, mentioning the fact that Laura was not in the car with them.

"Oh,...why don't you just shut up, you jerk! You know what I meant!" Rose snapped at him.

"Don't tell me to shut up!...And why do you always get to drive?...It's my automobile, **** it!"

"Fine then!" Rose threw both arms up in mock surrender and opened the door of the green automobile. "You drive!" She went around the car and opened Gillette's car door. He was looking forward, arms crossed and wouldn't look at her.

"Well!...What in the world are you waiting for?" Rose said, looking at him with her hands on her hips.

"Nope...Why should I?...You didn't want me to drive here...I won't drive now."

"Ugggh!" Rose stomped back around the front of the car, opened the door and got back in the driver's side. "You're acting like such a child, you know that?"

"You're the one who won't tell me what your mother said to you!...Hiding something from your own husband!...I may not be much of one but you can still tell me things you know!"

"Maybe I don't want to tell you, Gillette!" She screamed and started to weep. She pressed her forehead to the steering wheel while hard, rough sobs racked her body. "Just...Just let me be for a moment...please!" Gillette did just that...He was silent until Rose had calmed down some. She leaned her head against the back of the seat and turned her head to look at him. "I need to go in and interview Mr. Ford...Are you coming with me or not?" She asked him.

"Nah...I'll watch the machine."

"Very well then." Rose said, and got out of the car and walked off. "Like its going anywhere!...Unless you up and leave me here." She said under her breath. Rose went and talked to Henry Ford to get some much needed information about him for her article for the _Bulletin._ Gillette, just as he had said, waited for her in the little green automobile until she was finished. Rose returned and got back into the drivers' side of the car. She leaned back and sighed a huge sigh and closed her eyes, resting for a moment. Then she started the automobile and drove home.

On the way there, Gillette was silent for a long while, but then he spoke. "How did the interview go?"

"Just fine,...but is it any of YOUR business, Gillette?"

"Well, excuse me for being interested in my wife's work!"

"And why should you be?...Its MY profession, not yours!"

"Yeah and I wish you didn't have to work." He muttered.

"What was that?" She raised her eyebrows at him.

"I wish you didn't have to provide for the both of us!" He raised his voice.

"Well if you'd be a MAN and..." Rose began, but Gillette cut her off.

"You know I've tried to get a steady job, Rose!" He yelled. "It never works out!"

They had arrived at home, so they both got out of the automobile and continued their fight.

"Then why don't you get back out there and TRY AGAIN!" Rose said, firmly, looking up at her husband.

He glared down at her. "I am! I have a wonderful prospect already!...Besides, the man should be the provider anyway. Not the woman!"

"So that's what it is!...A pride thing!...You don't want to be intimidated by your own wife! A woman!...You're just upset that a woman is better than you at something!" She yelled at him.

Gillette, for some reason was silent.

"You're a newspaperman" She glared up at him..."Well, let me give you a newsflash, _paperboy_!...A woman can do ANYTHING a man can!"

"Is that so?" Gillette glared.

"Yes!...and sometimes...we do it better!" She snapped and walked into the house.

Gillette, of course, followed her in. It was his house too!

"OH...and thanks so much for not telling me about your wonderful job prospect, Gillette!" She said sarcastically.

"What I wanted to do is tell you tonight at supper!...To show you things are finally working out for us!"

"Are they?...Are they really, Gillette?...All we do is fight with each other!...I'm so sick and tired of it!"

"Well, so am I!"

"Then don't start it!" She yelled. "And its for the stupidest things sometimes!"

"Well if we're both so sick of fighting...lets separate for awhile!" Gillette said sternly.

"Why separate when we can TRY to work things out?"

"Every time we do try to, we go back to fighting again!...Like we are now!"

"Oh...just shut up and go read your newspaper!" Rose snapped.

"Fine!" Gillette yelled, grabbed his newspaper and sat down in his favorite over-stuffed chair. Rose furiously walked into the kitchen to prepare supper.


	21. Chapter 21

Rose was in her kitchen trying to prepare supper for Gillette, Laura and herself. She was so frustrated with Gillette at the moment, that she was slamming cupboard doors, her kitchen utencils, anything she could get her hands on! She just needed to let off some steam! Let her anger out! Rose wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, she was so mad at him! She heard him yelling at her for his supper, why it was taking so long. It was finally ready, so Rose fixed him up a plate. She came into the dark, cigar smoke-filled room and saw that Gillette was still sitting in his chair.

"Here's your supper." She said coldy and held it in front of him. Gillette glared at the plate.

"Boiled chicken! I HATE your boiled chicken!...That's all you make is chicken! Chicken this. Chicken that! Lemon chicken...Fried chicken...Your mother's cinnamon chicken!" He grumbled.

"That's not ALL I make, Gillette." She bit her tounge to keep from yelling at him.

"It f***ing well is!" Gillette yelled. "Thats all you've been making this week!...What?...You can't at least make a decent meal once in awhile? "

"Gillette! I made a wonderful pot roast just the other night!...And I'm only doing the best I can and working with what I make on my job!"

"Oh...don't get me started on THAT conversation again!"

"Just eat your stupid meal and quit all this yelling at me!"

"I like your mother's cinnamon chicken better." He mumbled, taking the plate from Rose.

"Next time I make it, maybe I should douse it with cayenne pepper instead of cinnamon like she did 30 something years ago." Rose muttered and walked off.

"Are you going off to get me a glass of milk to wash this swill down with?"

"Fine!" She snapped and angrily walked into the kitchen. Rose furiously grabbed a glass and poured Gillette a glass of milk. "How dare he call my cooking, swill!...Oh, he's gonna pay for that!" She grumbled. Rose looked down at the glass of milk and she spit in it. Yes, it probably was a little uncalled for, but it sure would teach him not to mess with her! Rose came back into the front room and gave Gillette his glass of milk. He drank it and Rose walked off into the kitchen, laughing to herself. She bumped into her mother.

"Oh Mama! You're feeling better! How wonderful!" Rose smiled.

"Rose, I heard what you and Gillette were yelling about earlier...Are you and he really going to...?" Laura started to say. Rose interrupted her.

"Mama. No...Calm down!...We just had a fight! Its nothing major!" She lied.

"So you're not going to seperate?" Laura asked.

"How should I know?...For crying out loud!...it was just a fight! I was fed up with him then! I'm calm now!...Its ok!"

"Are you sure, Rose?...And what about Gillette?"

"What about him, Mama?...Look Mama,...Its MY marriage, and I can fix it...I'm sorry...I just don't think I need your help right now...It barely amouts to anything!" Rose said, fixing up a plate of food for her mother and for herself. They both sat down at the dining table together.

"Yes...Now its nothing...But what about when I leave?...Just look at how he treated you before!"

"He was drunk! He didn't know what he was doing!"

"And you're trying to justify his actions?" Laura raised her voice. "That's not right, Rose!...You can't just justify some wrong action! You know what the Bible says, Rose,...'_Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging; and whosoever is decieved thereby is not wise_.'...and the Bible also says, '_Who hath woe? who hath sorrow? who hath contentions? who hath babbling? who hath wounds without cause? who hath redness of eyes? They that tarry long at the wine; they that go to seek mixed wine_.'...Rose!...You know that drinking is wrong!"

"I'm not the one drinking, mother!" Rose yelled. "You know that!...I hate it that he drinks! I absolutely HATE it!...How did we even get onto this conversation?...Can we just drop it, please?"

"Very well...Our supper's growing cold anyway..." Laura stated.

"I'll go heat it back up..." Rose said, taking both of their plates back into the kitchen. Her mother's words lingered in her mind. _"...Will Gillette and I seperate...or get a divorce?...What will he do to me when mother leaves?...Will he go back to drinking again?...And I wish Mama would quit bringing up the Bible every time she says something! I'm NOT a little girl who goes to Sunday School any longer!...My 'going to church' days are over! I've had enough..."_


	22. Chapter 22

"..._I am going to the fair tomorrow and do some of the Missouri work in a motor chair like the one they pictured Steve with once..."_

Almanzo was reading Laura's letter, dated October 22, 1915.

"Bess..." Almanzo thought out loud..."I sure am glad you're having fun at that Exposition,...but I sure am missing you." He thought about her riding around in motor chair and chuckled. "Amazing how someone can think up something like that." He went back to reading her letter.

_"Oh, I know Millman, who draws Steve. He is a fine young fellow, redheaded with a funny quirk to the corner of his lips when he smiles and simply delightful in a clean, wholesome way. To show his sympathy because I got hurt he is going to give me an original drawing of Steve-the pen and ink picture he made himself and that the pictures in the paper are made from._

_Do take care of yourself and Inky and whisper to him that I will be there before long.I have so many nice things planned to do when I do get home and I am sure the woods are beautiful. I love the city of San Fransisco. It is beautiful but I would not give one Ozark hill for all the rest of the state that I have seen. Oh, by the way, Missouri has SHOWN THEM at the P.P.I.E. Carried off more prizes than any state except California and beat California on mines._

_Do not expect to get any more long letters from me for I will be so busy doing all the writing I can for the papers and getting things wound up so I can start home that I will not have the time. Nor do I think I should spend the time writing when I can be seeing more things and tell you about them all when I come..."_

"Oh, I knew you'd say that, Bess." Almanzo smiled. "That's just how you are...and I love it." He smiled, thinking about her. He tried to stop because it made him miss her even more, so he went back to reading the closing of her letter.

_"I must stop now and rest a little for I am tired. _

_Goodbye for this time, _

_Lovingly, Bessie."_

"Rose?..."

"Yes, Mama Bess?" She said, and Laura gave her the yellow writing tablet Laura always wrote on. "What do you think of this?" It was an article for the Missouri Ruralist that Laura was writing.

Rose read the title, "Magic in Plain Food." ..."Magic?" Rose laughed.

"Just read it..." Laura said,crossing her arms and giving Rose a slight smile. And so Rose began to read the article aloud.

"_The thought came to me, while I wandered among the exhibits in the Food Products Building at the San Francisco Exposition, that Aladdin with his wonderful lamp had no more power than the modern woman in her kitchen. She takes down the receiver to telephone her grocery order, and immediately all over the world the monstrous genii of machinery are obedient to her command. All the nations of the world bring their offerings to her door-fruits from South America, Hawaii, Africa; tea and spices from India, China and Japan; olives and oil from Italy; coffee from strange tropical islands; sugar from Cuba and the Philippines._

_This modern magic works both ways. The natives of all these far away places may eat the flour made from the wheat growing in the fields outside our kitchen windows. I never shall look at Missouri wheat fields again without thinking of the "Breads of all Nations" exhibit, where the natives of eight foriegn nations, in the national costumes, were busy making the breads of their countries, from our own American flour._

_We use raisins, flour, tea, breakfast food, and a score of other common things without a thought of the modern miracles that make it possible for us to have them..."_

Rose began to laughed and there was a gleam in her grey-blue eyes. She hadn't remembered the last time she had laughed so. "Oh Mama Bess...This is good! So very cute...I can't help but laugh, I'm sorry."

"Well, Rose, it's not all cuteness from there. I do descibe the process seeding and packaging of Sun-dried Muscat raisins. In the Food Products Building, I saw the machines do the work, you know."

"Oh, yes, I know...but the beginning...with Aladdin. It's adorable, Mama Bess!...You know, I think you should become one of those children's book writers." She smiled at her mother.

"Me?!" Laura exclaimed. "That's laughable, Rose!...I couldn't. What would I write about,even?!"

"I haven't a clue..." Rose said, giving her mother the tablet. "You'd have to decide on that yourself!...You're so animated, Mama. I think children would love your books, if you were to write any."

"Well...I may have to think on it some...I don't know right now what I would write about. I don't see how I could write for children."

"I think you would be wonderful at it." Rose told her. "Like I said, you're so animated in your writings. You let your imagination take the reigns."

"Well, that's just how I am...I write how I feel. What I feel."

"And I think children would like that!" Rose exclaimed.

"Then why don't YOU write them, Rose?"

"Mama Bess! I couldn't do that. I don't write as you do. My writing style is so different...The way you write, the way you describe things...it would be perfect!"

"Well...that's enough about that, now...Let me think on it, Rose." Laura told her. She put the thought of being a children's book writer out of her mind...for now. "Go on to read about the food I metion! Those things called rose cakes. I'd say they're as beautiful as how good they taste!"

"What are they?" Rose asked, skimming the article again.

"Oh, little cakes baked in the shape of a rose. They're just lovely, I think!...Oh, read on, Rose. I listed some recipes in the back."

"I see..." Rose said, reading further. She began to say them out loud. Russian Forrest, Mexican Tamale Loaf...German honey cake. That sounds interesting." And Rose read that recipe.

"Rose, it was very good! You have to try it sometime...I think I'll experiment by using molasses instead of the honey."

"Then, it would be more of a gingerbread cake...would you still add the chocolate frosting on top?"

"Of course!" Laura said, with a laugh. "You know me! Chocolate frosting just adds to the goodness of it!"

Rose smiled and went on reading the recipe titles. "Italian White Tagliarini...Sauce for Tagliarini...Croissants (French Croissants)...Chinese Almond cakes...Mama Bess, it all sounds so good. All this talk of food is now making me hungry. How about we go down to the little restaurant and get us a little bite to eat?"

"Well..." Laura sighed.

"What, Mama Bess?"

"I was thinking...maybe we could try our hand at making something of one of those recipes...I'd like to try to make the Mexican Tamale Loaf...see how I'd do, you know."

"Oh, anything you cook is just wonderful." Rose told her mother.

"Thank you." Laura said. "So how about it, I'll cook."

"No...I'll help you...You've been cooking for us pretty much ever since you got here, Mama Bess."

"I have not." Laura smiled.

Rose hugged her mother close. "Cooking...cleaning...running errands for me...You've been a big help to me!...Just wanted to thank you."

"You're welcome, but I'm glad to help out...and Rose?"

"Yes?"

"You sending us money lately I know will help your father and I out."

Rose smiled. "I just...want to take care of you two...Now, can I help you cook?"

"Sure." Laura smiled. The two women busied themselves in the kitchen to prepare their supper. Soon Laura asked where Gillette was.

"I'm not for sure...I think he's working now."

"I should I ask how you two are doing lately? He's not around here much..."

"Mama Bess...I...I don't want to talk about it..."

"Fine..." Laura sighed. "Was just trying to see if I could help."

"I don't need your help..." Rose looked away. She thought she would tear up, so she looked away. "I don't want your help" She said quietly..."I'm an adult...I can take care of my marriage myself. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

Laura didn't say anything more. She was sort of hurt by Rose's words.

**A/N: It has been awhile since I've updated this. I'm sorry for that...I've decided to make it a little closer to real life, as in Manly called Laura "Bess" or "Bessie" and Rose called her "Mama Bess." Those those who may be reading this for the first time, I can't go back and make the needed corections to this story, so please forgive me for that! And enjoy!**

**This was one of my first stories to write. I've looked back and read it and I've seen how immature and sappy my writng (and myself!) was...It's good to see how much you've improved!**

**The part of the letter and the part of the Missouri Ruralist article are all Laura's doing. She get's the credit. lol. :) The recipes listed are all the recipes she liked while at the Exposition, and brought them back home...and also listed them, with instructions for the Missouri Ruralist article, dated November 20, 1915.**

**For the life of me, I can't figure who the cartoonist and cartoon Laura mentioned was...And can you believe it? A motorized chair...in 1915. Probably gasoline powered...but hey, it still blows my mind! lol.**

**Please send me reviews! Tell me what you think. :)**


	23. Chapter 23

And so Laura's letters to Almanzo had ended, for she was to be on her way home. She would go by train by way of Kansas City and then home to Mansfield, Missouri. Rose so wished to go with her mother and see her home by going by steamboat, which would have been an excitement for Laura, but the price was high and Laura thought the time would cut into Rose's work and Laura wished not to disturb that, seeing Rose was very busy. _"I would not care to go alone and it would cost more than to come straight home." _said she.

"I do so wish I could go with you, Mama Bess." Rose told her mother, before she boarded the train.

"I'll be fine on my way out...I made it to San Francisco by myself, didn't I?" Laura smiled.

"Telegram me as soon as you're home safe..."

"I will." Laura grabbed her daughter's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Now where is Gillette?! I did wish to say goodbye to him before I left!"

"Out looking for work, I suppose." Rose shrugged. "I'll let him know." She said quickly.

The two women said their goodbyes and Laura boarded the train and it soon set off for its journey. Though she enjoyed her time with her daughter, and her excitement of the wonderland of San Francisco and the Panama-Pacific International Exposition, Laura was happy to be going home now.

"I do so wish you and Papa would come here to live! Talk to him about it!" Rose called as she started to follow the train, side by side. She was right near Laura's window.

Laura gave a flutter of her hand out the window and called out, "I will!" After that Laura called one last 'goodbye' as the train picked up its speed and it chugged away.

Rose stood there a few moments, staring off into nothing. She let out a sigh and got into her little automobile and went to her little home on Vallejo Street. It was there she had a letter on the table, waiting for her. From Gillette...

_Rose,_

_I'm sure I can speak for both of us when I say, "I can't take this anymore." There is nothing to do but separate from each other. You've said so yourself that when we speak, all we do is fight, be it about our damn finances or whatever else we argue about! Perhaps it all started with the baby we lost. You never could get over it. Horrible thing to break up a marriage, isn't it?_

_Hell. Right now, I don't even know why I married you._

_Anyway, I've packed my things and I'll be back for them. This is your place anyway. YOU made the payments on it._

_Gillette_

Hot angry tears flooded Rose's eyes and she tore the letter in two. "Jack ass!" She yelled and let the tears fall.

Instantly, it seemed, Gillette was there to get his suitcases he packed. Rose looked at him with stinging eyes. "If you think the loss of our baby and my grief the sole reason of breaking up our marriage. You're wrong...Of course, you wouldn't have an ounce of compassion in your little finger..." She spat and paused, with tears streaming. "It's a hard thing to get over. You never knew...a mother's love...You'll NEVER know how it is...I lost a sweet baby boy. And I buried with him a piece of my heart." Rose saw him standing there, without a thing to say. Could anything be said, in fact? "Just go...Leave me, Gillette! Do what you damn well want! I don't care anymore!"

Gillette left. Rose sat there with hot, angry tears stinging her eyes and streaming her cheeks. She tore her wedding ring off her finger. It was like it had no meaning to her now. "Finally got what you wanted Gillette? Well, now I'm rid of you too..." She said. "Oh, what the Devil are you saying Rose?" She asked herself helplessly. Did she really want for all of this to happen?

At last...Laura made it to Rocky Ridge farm. The charming house stood tall and very much delightful with it's stone chimney on the one side...She stood in the front yard and sighed a long, happy sigh. Laura, was home. "I do believe that home is still...the nicest word there is." She sighed happily and picked up her suitcases. She looked on and saw, as Manly came outside, and by the use of a cane he went out into the yard to meet her.

"Manly!" Laura smiled. "I have missed you something terrible."

"Oh Bess..." Almanzo smiled at her and picked up on of her suitcases and they went into the house. "I sure have missed you...I tell you," He whispered. "I've lived on just my buckwheat pancakes since you left! If it had snowed any, I'd a swore it was the Long Winter all over again!" He joked.

"The Long Winter..." Laura sighed, remembering. Almanzo and a young man named Cap Garland, a friend of theirs, whom Laura liked very much, saved their town from hunger, going after wheat that they weren't even sure if it had existed. "I am very sorry you had no one to cook for you while I was gone." Laura smiled at him. "I do hope you still enjoy my cooking." She teased.

"Oh I should!" Almanzo laughed. He leaned in and said to her, "I had nothing to eat but the pancakes since you've been gone...Laura,...I tried cooking something besides that and I durn near made a mess in your kitchen..."

"Manly!" Laura exclaimed, but then she laughed as she saw he was only joking with her.

"Now, did you happen to save my letters as I asked you to, Manly?"

"Got them pitched in the bathroom just as you told me..." He nodded.

"I have yours too so we'll put them away to look at later on...Now how have you done with the farm work? " Laura asked, checking up on things. "I know Mr. Nall has been out here some, helping in my absence. Do thank Mr. Nall for me. He's such a dear."

"Yes Ma'am...Mr. Nall sure has been a great help around here."

"And how are the hens?" Laura asked. She raised hens in her hen-house at Rocky Ridge farm. They were laying well, as Manly had followed Laura's rules about the hens and their feed.

Laura gathered her letters and Almanzo's too, and sat down at the little window seat at one of the picture windows and they enjoyed the view of Rocky Ridge and Laura told Almanzo all that she had seen and done in San Francisco.

"I'm sorry we missed our anniversary when you were off traveling..." Almanzo said, covering his hand with hers.

"I am too...but you know what I said in my letter on that day, "I wish you were here. Half the fun I lose because I am all the time wishing for you..." I did so wish that you could come with me, Manly. You would have enjoyed seeing what I've seen there."

"Oh I bet I would have..." He crooned, smiling at her. "Inky would have too, wouldn't you've, boy?" They chuckled as Inky let out a bark and wagged his tail and went up on the window seat beside Laura. "Yes...we would have spoiled you..." Laughter shone from Laura's eyes and they began to shine violet, as they always did. "We went to see the "Dogs of the World" exhibit...but you needn't be jealous, Inky. We did not see any dogs we liked better than you, now!"

"Rose wishes for us to come out to San Francisco to live, Manly." Laura said after a while.

"She does, does she?"

"Yes. I don't know about living there. It is too warm there."

"Then we'll not go!" Almanzo said. "Simple as that...the same with us about going to New Zealand. Nice place to visit...but I'm not about to go live there. We're fine and dandy settled here."

"I agree. You know what is best, Manly..." Laura smiled and laughed as he sat there, smiling at her and twisting a corner of his mustache. "Oh Manly, some things never change!...Now let me tell you more of my adventures! We went for a walk first off and we the Tower of Jewels on the Exposition grounds...and I saw the statue of the Pioneer Mother and her children...And I saw and waded in the ocean. The ocean is a beautiful thing, Manly! And I did enjoy going to all the nice little restaurants Rose and Gillette took me to...I even went through Chinatown!"

"Eat any Chinese food while you were there?"

"Yes I did and I did not like it...and do not wish to try any more of it...Oh, and I bought you a Chinese ear spoon, toothpick and a fork to eat with...I was afraid the spoon would break if I sent it with the letter."

"Very nice...thank you."

"I've seen so many beautiful things, Manly. Gillette and I even went sight-seeing in the Muir Woods when we were there..." She said and her voice trailed off into nothing and she thought of their son-in-law. "Gillette..." She sighed softly.

"What's the matter with, Gil?" Almanzo asked.

"Oh Manly...it's their marriage..." Laura sighed. "I don't think they're getting along since I arrived there. I've tried but...Rose doesn't want my help or advice."

"Oh Bess." Almanzo smiled a little and wrapped his arm around her. "I'm sure they're okay. They'll work it out."

**A/N: All of the things about Laura's letters is true. However, Gillette Lane's letter is one I made up. That scene is my pure imagination except for Rose's quote, "I lost a sweet baby boy and buried with him a piece of my heart." It was something to that effect. Rose didn't mention him much, just only in a few letters to others who had dealt with the loss of a child. Such a tender thing when I hear those words...and so what a grieving mother would say.**

**Do you like Laura's little homecoming and Manly's catching up with her? That just came to me. :) I hope I was spot on with their relationship...and Manly's little twist of his mustache thing he always did. Hehe. :) Such a sweet couple.**

**It's been speculated that Laura once had a crush on Cap Garland...before she developed feelings for Almanzo. :)**

**It was written in the book, "West From Home" that Rose wanted to see Laura home by steamboat, but they were unable to do that. I'm unsure if Rose even met the train to see her mother off to home, so the train scene in this chapter is purely fiction. :)**

**Mr. Nall, mentioned in this chapter, was a hired hand man of the Wilder's, during the time of Laura's visit. **

**I hope you have enjoyed this chapter. Please read and review! Thank you!**


	24. Chapter 24

Rose stared at her wedding ring she held in both hands. _"Doesn't even know why he married me, does he?" _She thought. "Neither do I..." She said softly. "Sometimes I feel I don't know anything anymore..." Rose thought about Gillette a moment. She remembered when she first met him. That instant attraction for him she felt, as blazing and as irresistible as an electric current. She hadn't known what it was, but she thought he was the most handsomest man she had ever seen in her whole life. He was different she had thought, not like the others. A memory flooded her mind.

_Lively music was playing. Dancers whirled beyond a filmy cloud of cigarette smoke. Rose sat with a group of people that were seated around a round table. People were ordering drinks. Orders were being made rapidly. She listened to the rapid orders, hesitatingly "Blue moons" were intriguing and "slow gin fizz" was fascinating, with its suggestion of fireworks. But beside her, Mr. Lane said, "Scotch high ball..." And the waiter took her hesitation for repetition. The glass appeared before her, there was a cry of "Happy days!" and then she swallowed a queer tasting, stinging mouthful. She set down the glass hastily._

_"What's the matter with the high-ball?" Mr. Lane inquired. He had paid the waiter, and she felt the obligation of a guest._

_"It's very good really. But I don't care much for drinks that are fizzy." She saw a faint amusement in his eyes, but he did not smile. And his order to the waiter was peremptory. "Plain highball, no seltzer." And the waiter hastened to bring it. _

_Mr. Lane's attention was still upon her, and she saw no escape. She smiled at him over the glass. "Happy days!" she said, and drank. She set down the empty glass and the muscles of her throat choked back a cough. "Thank you." She said, and was surprized to find that the weariness was no longer in his eyes. "You're alright!" he said. His tone was that of the vanquished greeting of the victor, and his next words were equally enigmatic, "I hate a bluffer that doesn't make good when he's called!" The orchestra had swung into a new tune, and he half rose. "Dance?"_

_It was hard to admit her deficiency and let him go._

_"I can't. I don't know how."_

_He sat down._

_"You don't know how to dance?" His inflection said that this was carrying a pretense too far, that in overshooting a mark she had missed it. His keen look at her suddenly made clear a fact for which she had been unconsciously groping while she watched these men and women, the clue to their relations. Beneath their gaiety a ceaseless game was being played, man against woman, and every word and glance was a move in that game, the basis of which was enmity. He thought that she, too, was playing it, and against him._

_"Why do you think that I'm lying to you, Mr. Lane? I would like to dance if I could-of course."_

_"I don't get you," He replied with equal directness. "What do you come out here for if you don't drink and don't dance?"_

_It would be too humiliating to confess the extent of her inexperience, her ignorance of the city in which she had lived for almost a year. "I come because I like it," She said. "I've worked for a long time and never had any fun. And I'm going to learn to dance. I don't know about drinking. I don't like the taste of it much. Do people really like to drink high-balls and things like that?"_

_It startled a laugh from him._

_"Keep on drinking 'em, and you'll find out why people do it," He answered. Over his shoulder, he said to the waiter, "Couple of rye high-balls, Ben."_

_The others were dancing. They were alone at the table, and when, resting an elbow on the edge of it, he concentrated his attention upon her, the crowded room became a swirl of color and light about their isolation. Her breath came faster. The toe of her slipper kept time to the music, exhilaration mounted in her veins, and her success in holding his interest was like wine to her. But a cold, keen inner self took charge of her brain._

_The high-balls arrived. She felt that she must be rude, and did not drink hers. When he urged she refused as politely as she could. He insisted._

_"Drink it!" She felt the clash of an imperious, reckless will against her impassive resistance. There was a second in which neither moved, their whole relation subtly changed. Then she laughed._

_"I'd really rather not," She said lightly._

Her memory flashed to her asking him, "_No really tell me, why do people drink things that taste like that?"_

_He met her on her own ground. "You've got to drink, to let go, to have a good time. It breaks down inhibitions." She noted the word. The use of such words was one of the things that differed him from the others. "God knows why," He added wearily. "But what's the use of living if you don't hit the high spots? And there's a streak of - perversity - depravity in me that's got to have this kind of thing." _

Her memory flashed to a scene where he took her out among the dancers while the music played again.

_"You're all right," he said. "Just let yourself go and follow me. It's only a walk to music." And unaccountably she found herself dancing, felt the rhythm beat through blood and nerves, and stiffness and awkwardness drop away from her. She felt like a butterfly bursting from a chrysalis, like a bird singing in the dawn. She was so happy that Mr. Lane laughed at the ecstasy in her face._

_"You look like a kid in the candy-shop!" he said, swinging her past a jam with a long, breathless swooping glide and picking up the step again._

_"I'm - per-fect-ly - happy!" she cried, in time to the tune. "It's awfully good - of you-ou!"_

_He laughed again._

_"Stick to me and I'll teach you a lot of things." he said._

Rose smiled at the memory of Gillette teaching her how to dance. And she learned to dance something called a rag, and something else called a Grizzly Bear. She loved how they seemed to twirl together around and around with their arms out, and the little 'step, hop!' 'Step, hop!' 'Step, hop!' of the dance. And then lastly, the "Growl!" motion they both made. Rose smiled, and teared up a little. She did have a few good times with Gillette. Her memory flashed to the little, sweet moment they shared when she was so drowsily happy from all the excitement of the dancing, that she thought it no harm to lay her head on his shoulder, on the ride home...and Rose remembered wondering then what it would be like if a man so fascinating were in love with her. It would be frightfully thrilling and exciting, she thought, playing daringly with the idea. Rose remembered how she later shook hands with Mr. Lane, and how she felt her heart leap!

_"Thank you for a very pleasant time." She felt he was amused by the stilted words._

_"Don't forget it isn't the last one!" he said._

She remembered that whole year, being in love with him, while she hardly knew him...yet she was engaged to her sweetheart and childhood friend, Paul Cooley. She remembered breaking off that engagement, and later marrying Gillette. The memory of the day he insisted that she marry him flashed like lightning in her mind.

She remembered how, then, she had suffered bouts of depression and her thinking she would have to live a life of working, like some women had to do. That one night, though, she had gone out with her friends, drank rye high-balls at their suggestion, to which she did not object. She emptied hers with the rest of them. Her spirits did seem to lighten a little.

_"It removes inhibitions," Gillette Lane had said. And he was gone too. If only he were there the sparkle of life would come back; she would be exhilarated, witty, alive to her fingertips once more-_

_The crowd was moving on again. She went with him in the cool night, and it seemed to her that life was nothing but a moving on from dissatisfaction to dissatisfaction. Squeezed into a corner of the tonneau, she relapsed into silence, and it was some time before she noticed the altered note in the excitement of the others._

_"Give 'er the gas! Let'er out! Damn it if you let'em pass-!" The car's owner was shouting, and the machine fled like a runaway thing. Against a blur of racing sand dunes Rose saw a long gray car creeping up beside them._

_"You're going to kill us!" A woman screamed, disregarded. Rose, on her feet, clinging to the back of the front seat, yelled with the others, "Beat 'im! Beat 'im! Y-a-a-ah!"_

_Her hat, torn from her head, disappeared in the roaring blur behind them. Her hair whipped her face. She was wildly, gloriously alive. "Faster - faster, oh!" The gray car was gaining. Inch by inch it crawled up beside them. "Can't you go faster?" she cried in a bedlam of shouts. Oh, only if her hands were on the wheel! It was unbearable that they should lose. "Give 'er more gas - she'll make eighty-five!" the owner yelled._

_Everything in Rose narrowed to the challenge of that plunging gray car. Its passing was like an intolerable pulling of something vital from her grip. Pounding her hand against the car door she shrieked frantic protests. "Don't let him do it! Go on! Go on!" The gray car was forging inexorably past them. It swerved. A scream was torn to ribbons by the wind. It was ahead now, and one derisive yell from its driver came back to them. Their speed slowed._

_"He's turning in at The Tides. Stop there?" the chauffeur asked over his shoulder._

_"Yes, damn you! Wha'd you think you're driving, a baby carriage?!" His employer raged, and he was still swearing when Rose, gasping and furious, stumbled from the running-board against Gillette Lane._

_"Good Lord, was it you?" he cried. "Some race!" he exulted and swinging her off her feet, he kissed her gayly. Something wild and elemental in her rushed to meet its mate in him. He released her instantly, and in a chorus of greetings, "Drinks on me, old man!" "Some little car you've got!" "Come on in!" she found herself under a glare of light in the swirl and glitter of The Tides. He was beside her at the round table, and her heart was pounding._

_"No - no - this one's on me!" he declared."Only my money's good tonight. I'm going to Argentine tomorrow on the water-wagon..."_

The conversation was sort of a blur to Rose now, she had only remembered Gillette.

_He was full of radiant energy and power_. _Her imagination leaped to grasp the bigness of this project. Thousands of lives altered, thousands of families migrated, cities, villages, railroads built. She felt his kiss on her lips, and that old, inexplicable, magnetic attraction. The throbbing music beat in her veins like the voice of it. He smiled at her, holding out his arms, and she went into them with recklessness and longing._

_They were carried together on waves of rhythm, his arms around her, her loosened hair tumbling backward on her neck._

_"I'm mad about you!"_

_"And you're going away?"_

_"Sorry?"_

_"Sorry? Bored. You always do!"_

_He laughed._

_"Not on your life! This time I'm taking you with me!"_

_"Oh, but I wouldn't take you-seriously!"_

_"I mean it. You're coming."_

_"I'm dreaming."_

_"I mean it." His voice was almost savage. "I want you."_

_Fear ran like a challenge through her exultation. She felt herself a small fluttering thing against his breast, while the intoxicating music swept them on through a whirling crowd. His face so close to hers was keen and hard, his eyes were reckless as her own leaping blood. "All I've ever needed is a girl like you. You're not going to get away this time."_

_"Oh, but I'm perfectly respectable!"_

_"All right! Marry me."_

_Behind the chaos of her mind there was the tense, suffocating hesitation of the instant before a diver leaves the spring-board - security behind him, ecstasy ahead. His nearness, his voice, the light in his eyes, were all that she had been wanting, without knowing it all these months. The music stopped with a crash._

_He stood, as he once stood before, his arm still tight around her, and in a flash she saw that other time and the dreary months that had followed._

_"All right. It's settled?" There was the faintest question in his confident voice._

_"You really do-love me?"_

_"I really do." His eyes were on hers, and she saw his confidence change to certainty. "You're game!" he said, and kissed her triumphantly, in the crowded room, beneath the glaring lights and crepe-paper decorations. She did not care; she cared for nothing in the world now but him._

_"Let's - go away - a little while by ourselves, out where it's dark and cool," she said hurriedly as they crossed the floor._

_"Not on your life! We're going to have the biggest party this town ever saw!" he answered exultantly over his shoulder, and she saw his enjoyment in the bomb he was about to drop upon the unsuspecting group at the table. "The roof is off the sky tonight. This is a wedding-party!"_

_...and, Rose, flushed, laughing, trying hard not to be hysterical, heard his voice ordering drinks, disposing of questions of license, minister, ring, rooms at the St. Francis, champagne, supper, flowers. She was the beggar maid listening to King Cophetua."_

Rose could not help but smile at the memory, but suddenly inwardly shook herself. "Did you really love me?...Or was desire...sex...attraction...the sole foundation of our marriage? Of your wanting me...Oh, was I so foolish to,..!" Rose started to exclaim. She sighed and buried her face in her hands and tears began to seep through her closed eyes. "Rose...WHY are you talking to someone who isn't even there?!...Why are you talking to yourself? Have you gone mad?!" She looked down at her clenched hand which held her wedding ring. "You're not divorced yet.." she said to herself. She hesitated a moment, until she said,. "...I suppose I should put this back on. I am still his wife..." She thought a moment before placing the wedding ring on her finger, "Whether he still loves me I do not know...Whether I still do...I am not sure. Do I know anything anymore?"

**A/N: The italicized parts in this chapter are all from Rose Wilder Lane's book, "Diverging Roads" which is about her moving to San Fransisco on her own, getting a job, establishing herself there..., meeting Claire Gillette Lane...breaking off her engagement from Paul Cooley, marrying Gillette, separating from him, getting back together with Paul for a short time and then breaking up, knowing that he was wanting her to be the girl she used to be, and she knew she could not be controlled again, as her husband was controlling of her...and at last divorcing Gillette. It is a very outstanding book and I suggest you read it, if you get the chance.**

**How did I do with this? Let me know in a review! Thanks for reading! Keep on! :)**


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